There Was A Time When We Used To Know Each Other
by waytotheend
Summary: Justin and Brian met when Brian was in New York. They were together but then they broke up. Now is 5 years later... could they meet again and start over?
1. Prologue

**Paring**: Justin/Brian  
**Characters**: Justin, Brian, The Gang  
**Warnings**: Alternative Universe  
**Summary**: Justin and Brian met when Brian was in New York. They were together but then they broke up. Now is 5 years later... could they meet again and start over?

* * *

_Brian looked at him sternly. "Fine! Go!" He turned his back to him and willed himself to let him go.  
When he heard the door being opened, he turned around. In a whisper, he said "I..." he paused and took a deep breath looking up and locking his eyes with a pair that always seemed to see right through his soul. "I love you" he whispered.  
There was silence and then, when he looked down at his hands unable to held that hurt gaze, Brian heard a muffled "Too late" before the stir of the metal door being slammed, echoed through the Loft. _

* * *

The rain had just stopped falling and the streets were still wet. It was only the end of October, but it felt like Winter. People were expecting a storm in a couple of days and it seemed like there wouldn't be a "trick or treat" for the kids this year.

The soles of his converse squeaked on the asphalt of the sidewalk while he tried to walk quickly without slipping. When it had started to rain, he was out and being without an umbrella had caused him to soak under the pouring rain. If he didn't hurry, he would end up ill.

As soon as the key was in the lock, he ran up the stairs to his apartment and quickly opened the door and started to undress on the way to the bathroom. A feeble beep coming from the living room, told him that there were messages in the answering machine so he made a beeline over to the phone and pushed the button.

"_Honey, it's mom. Call me as soon as you get back_" he sighed and deleted the message while trying to pull away his converse without having to untie the shoelaces.

"_Your message has been deleted. You have, three unheard messages._" Pushing the button again, he listened to the next message while tossing away his socks.

"_Hey man, it's Scott. Call me back when you finally decide to come to the party_" that made a small smile spread on his face.

"_Your message has been stored. You have, two unheard messages_."

He pulled away his undershirt and dropped it onto the floor starting then to undo the buttons of his blue jeans.

Pushing the button on the answering machine again, a female voice filled the apartment. "_It looks like you're probably sleeping or you're out somewhere in the middle of nowhere. Just called to tell you that I got in. I'll have to leave for LA in a week and I hope you'll have some spare time to meet me. Call me back_" he bit his lips. Maybe he'll have time to meet her if he was able to have an hot shower before catching a cold or a fever.

"_Your message has been stored. You have, one unheard message_."

Finally out of his jeans and his socks, he pulled down his underwear and quickly pushed the button to listen to the last message. "_Good morning, it's Miss Sidney. I was calling to let you know that we'll be expecting you on Monday for the final touches for your exhibition. We're very pleased that you have chosen our Gallery to expose your work. Have a nice day_."

He stopped for a second, sighing and thinking back at five years earlier. He shook his head quickly, dismissing his thoughts as soon as they came in his head.

"_Your message has been stored. You have, no, unheard message_."

He ran towards the bathroom shutting the door closed behind him and opening the shower setting the water hot. He stepped inside and let the water wash away his fatigue.


	2. Chapter 1

_"What is new this fine morning in our beloved Pittsburgh, Tony?"_

"We're going to have nice weather for the rest of the week. The storm is finally over and the temperature should rise in a couple of days. It looks like we'll have a nice Halloween after all."

"So go get ready kids! Thank you, Tony. Now, we'll get back to our music. This song is dedicated to all the people that have been hurt and who are listening to us..." 

The radio woke him up from another restless night.

Turning in his bed, he pressed the pillow down on his head hoping to be able to get at least another hour of sleep.

A feeble rhythm took the place of the speaker's loud voice.

_"It's been seven hours and fifteen days since u took your love away. I go out every night and sleep all day since u took your love away. Since u been gone I can do whatever I want. I can see whomever I choose. I can eat my dinner in a fancy restaurant. But nothing, I said nothing can take away these blues..."_

He turned off the radio and got out of the bed to take a piss and a shower.

An hour later, he took a mug from the shelf and filled it with coffee while taking the phone and pressed the second button. After a couple of rings, the voice mail asked to leave a message.

"Hey mom, it's me. I'm busy now so I won't be able to meet you before the show. I hope that you'll be able to make it" he paused for a second and then quickly said "I love you" before hanging up and dialing the first number on his phone.

_"Hello?_" a voice said after four rings.

"Hey, it's me. I have some spare time today."

_"Great. Why don't I meet you at the coffee shop down your street?"_

"Sure. Do you think that you'll be able to make it in half an hour?"

_"Sure. Later."_

"Later."

He downed his coffee and put the mug in the sink before going into his room to get dressed and head out. It was just a few days before his new show. He couldn't help but think that he felt lonely just like he did for all the previous shows.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

"So, how is the show going?" they sat down at one of the table near the window so he could watch the people passing by.

"It's going ok."

"Uh-huh... you don't sound very excited."

He shrugged.

"It's just... I feel like... I haven't been painting for two weeks now. I think that that's it Daph. I'm done."

She rolled her eyes.

"It happens every year around late October."

They sat in silence after that, just sipping their coffee.

"I thought that you were over it."

"Yeah sure."

"It was what? Six or seven years ago?"

"Five years ago" he corrected her.

"Well, it's time to move on."

He looked back at the passers-by in the street and sighed.

"We've been having this conversation for the last five years, Daph. We both know that I can't move on."

"Because you don't want to. Fuck, you don't even want to find someone that will help you move on."

"Because it doesn't work for me. I'm not going to fuck random guys or date random guys hoping that sooner or later, I'll find the right one."

Daphne frowned.

"That's because you're so damn stupid to think that he was the one."

"He was."

"But it's over" she said for the millionth time.

"Don't you think that I know that?" he looked briefly at her before finishing his coffee and left ten dollars on the table. He went outside and lighted up a cigarette waiting for Daphne.

It was two cigarettes later, when he felt a hand on his shoulder. "I'm sorry" she whispered.

"I know."

"It's just... I hate that you've been pulling away so much... from... well, everyone. You're always alone..."

"Let's just not talk about it. You're going to LA."

"Yeah." Daphne sighed knowing that it was useless to insist. "It's going to be great. Why don't you come with me? Take a break..."

They started walking down the street. He shook his head.

"No. I have the show on Tuesday and then I'll just try to figure out what to do next."

"You always think that you're not going to paint for the rest of your life. We both know that it's what you're going to do as long as you have life."

"It's not like that anymore. I keep painting him... I..." he took a deep breath and turned towards Daphne looking at her with sad eyes. "I need a break, Daphne."

"So come with me. After the show."

He shook his head again.

"No. I left New York because of him and I'm not going to run away again. IT's futile anyway? I'm going to just focus on something else for a while."

"Ok. What about I leave Sam with you?"

He laughed.

"What? You don't want to have to pay for him?"

She smiled at him, happy to see him laughing. Something that had rarely happened in the last five years.

"He's a cat. He wouldn't like LA."

"So I'm stuck with a snob cat?"

"He's not snob. He's... he's a cat. That's all."

He looked at her for a second before nodding.

"I could use some company."

"Go out if you want some company. Find someone not a cat."

"Daph..."

"Yeah I know... 'Let it go, Daph'." She sighed. "I hate how sad you always look. Are you going to come to visit at least?"

"Maybe. Now that you'll be a famous plastic surgeon, I'll have to stay friends with you, or what am I going to do when I'll start to age?"

"Oh, so I won't see you in the next thirty years?"

"You think that I won't have wrinkles before turning fifty-seven?"

"Yep. Because you're one lucky motherfucker. People like you, are bad for the business."

"I'm bad for the business?" he asked laughing.

"Yes, you are."

"I'll start to get worried every day so I'll have my wrinkles before turning thirty."

"Thanks" she said smiling.

They stopped in front of his building and hugged.

"I'll come back tomorrow with Sam."

"Can't wait!" he said sarcastically before turning around to unlock the door to the building.

"Oh, Jus?"

"Yeah?" he asked turning again.

"I'm sorry that I won't be able to make it to the show."

"It doesn't matter. I don't care."

"Sure" she said sarcastically. "I'll see you tomorrow."

"Bye, Daph."

He went inside the building and closed the door behind him before running up the stairs.  
He liked living alone... but Daphne didn't believe him and neither did his mother who was always trying to find him a partner. He liked being alone because that way, he almost believed that he wasn't going to get hurt again but the truth was, he was already hurt enough to last a life time.

Justin kicked away his converse before lying on the couch. He took the remote control of the stereo and pushed play. The CD started from the last track he was listening to while taking his shower that morning.

_Baby when I used to love you. There's nothing that I wouldn't do. I went through the fire for you, did anything you asked me to. But I'm tired of living this lie. It's getting harder to justify. Realized that I just don't love u. Not like I used to...  
_  
He pressed the skip button and the next song began. _This is the way you left me, I'm not pretending. No hope, no love, no glory, no Happy Ending. This is the way that we love, like its forever. Then live the rest of our life, but not together... _

He was about to press the skip button again when he decided to listen to the rest of the song.

_This is the hardest story that I've ever told. No hope, or love, or glory. Happy endings gone forever more. I feel as if I'm wastin' and I'm wastin' everyday. 2 o'clock in the morning, something's on my mind. Can't get no rest; keep walkin' around. If I pretend that nothin' ever went wrong, I can get to my sleep I can think that we just carried on..._

He closed his eyes.

_"I know you! I know what you're like but I'm not that twenty years old boy that thought that you were the king of his world anymore. I'm disenchanted now. You made sure of it."  
_  
I single tear went down his cheek and he sighed. Squeezing his eyes shut, he was back in that Loft on Madison Avenue.

_"Tonight, was great! You blew them away" He smiled at his lover and he knew that all his love was probably shining in his eyes. He found himself in a tight embrace with a hand resting in his hair and one on his lower back. "What does matter, it was that you were there with me" he heard before being kissed on his cheek. _

This time, there were more tears running down his cheeks and he did nothing to make them stop. He stopped trying to control his emotions while thinking about those two years. It was useless... he was never good at shutting down his emotions.

_"The next time that I see someone touching your ass, you're going to have to come pay my bail in some police office." He laughed along with the hazel eyed man that he loved so much. "I'm not joking here. I'm being serious. Your ass is mine" he laughed again and this time he found himself being pulled against a firm body. "It's not just my ass that his yours" he whispered. His lover pulled back staring in his eyes before nodding. "I know and... thank you..." Justin looked at him before kissing his lips softly. "You're more than welcome."_

Before, he knew it; he was asleep on the couch with that beautiful face that had haunted him for so long, once again present in his thoughts.


	3. Chapter 2

**7 Years Earlier…**

_That morning Brian was running late for work. It was just a couple of months since he moved to New York from Pittsburgh. Having dreamed all his life to be good enough at his work to be able to make it in New York, he jumped at the offer of a new job in one of the top AD Firms in the City. He said goodbye to everyone and left for the Big City._

Now, here he was… being late for the third time in two weeks… he was starting to think that he should just cut down on the tricking and the drinking to get more sleep and start to make his own breakfast.

As he was trying to balance his briefcase, the papers that he almost forgot at home, and his coat, he didn't notice Starbuck's door being opened and before he knew what was happening, he found a big coffee stain on his white shirt.

"Fuck!" he hissed. "Would you fucking mind watching where the fuck you go?" he said without looking up from the stain.

"I'm sorry! I got distracted and didn't see you. I'll pay the dry cleaning bill" he heard a soft voice say and then he saw pale fingers with paint under the nails, trying to wipe away the stain with a little napkin.

"Well, you better! It's fucking Armani and…" he stopped when he looked up and found himself staring at a young blond boy, suddenly forgetting what he was mad about.

"I really am sorry. I'm late to my class and I was in a hurry" the blond excuses himself once again.

Brian took in the short hair, almost shaved off and found it sexy but what really got his attention, was the little smile that was on the young man's face.

"I wasn't looking either" Brian found himself saying before he too smiled. It was all so uncharacteristic for him. He usually yelled at everyone and if anyone else would have spilled coffee on his new shirt, he was pretty sure that he would have fired the sorry ass or made him buy a new shirt.

The blond kneeled down, picked up some papers that Brian hadn't noticed he had dropped, and gently gave them to him before repeating once again "Sorry" when he noticed the coffee that had spilled on the papers as well.

"How much do you think the dry cleaning is going to cost?"

Brian laughed. The boy had the appearance of a student. "I bet that it's too much for you." 

_The boy laughed. "Probably. So, what about I buy you a coffee?"_

"So you can spill that one on me too?"

A slight shade of red crept on the young man's face and Brian found it rather cute even if he wouldn't have been caught dead thinking something like that.

"I promise to not spill anything."  
Brian extended his hand. "I'm Brian. Kinney."

The blond smiled before shaking the proffered hand. "I'm Justin. Taylor."

**Present Days…**

Brian put away his sunglasses as he stared at the empty space before him. It took him seven years, but now he was going to open his own agency. The only thing that was wrong in his dream-of-a-lifetime was the fact that he pictured himself on Madison Av. in New York, and not on Liberty Av. in Pittsburgh in an old bathhouse. However, his son was almost ten and even if he wouldn't have admitted it out loud, he kind of missed his family. To tell the truth, he had been thinking about returning to Pittsburgh for the last five years because the only time when he truly felt good in New York, was those first two years that he spent there… and he didn't want to think about the reason why those two years were so great and the last five, were shit.

"So, the place is finally yours" he heard Michael tell him and he just nodded. "What are you going to do now?"

That question, caused another train of thought to enter his mind… a specific memory that he hoped to have forgotten.

**6 Years Earlier…**

_Brian put down his chopsticks on his coffee table before lying down on the shaggy carpet, pulling Justin down with him; he was sitting between his legs._

Justin leaned his back into Brian's chest and the brunet sighed before closing his arms around the slim torso of the younger man.

They both looked up at the ceiling and after a couple of minutes of silence, Brian whispered, "You know, we've been together for a little over a year now, and I still haven't told you about my biggest dream…"

Justin smiled and put his hands over Brian's which were resting on his belly. "Tell me."

"You wanna know?" Brian teased him.

"You know I always want know things about you."

Brian chuckled. "True."

"So, what is it?"

"I want to open my own agency and make a big success out of it."

"It would be so cool."

"Yeah, that's what I think too."

They stayed in silence for a while after that, just holding each other until Brian whispered, "If I'll do it, you're going to be my art director." It wasn't a question but just a statement. Suddenly, the dream of his life, started to include, another person… someone for whom he cared more than anything else.

"Ok" Justin quietly answered before turning in his lover arms and starting to kiss him.

**Present Days…**

"Brian! Brian!" Mikey snapped his fingers in front of Brian's face.

"What?"

"Where did you go? I asked you what you were going to do now. You need some furniture and employees."

Brian nodded again before sighing, putting his sunglasses back on and turning to leave; sure that Mikey would follow.

"Let's go get some lunch" he said to his best friend and without another word, he exited the building and climbed in his corvette.

The entire time it took to get to the Diner, Michael kept glancing at Brian from time to time but he just kept looking ahead of him with his sunglasses on even if there wasn't any sun and with a stern look on his face… the same look that he had had the last five years.

Nobody knew what had happened to him. One day he called almost every day to hear how everyone was doing, then his calls started to be weekly but he always had a tone of happiness in his voice whenever someone of them called him. It went that way for two years, two years in which they only saw him twice and just for short visits because he seemed eagerly to go back to New York, but at least, every time, he had some sort of spark in his eyes.

Then it changed. Two years later, he became distant from everyone and he called just once or twice at month and visited only for Gus, Michael and Linz's birthday.

Ever since he came back a couple of months earlier, everyone noticed the always-hard look that he had on his face but no one ever questioned him about it.

"Lindsay said that they have a new artist in her gallery and that he's very well known" Michael said, casually, just to break the silence that was filling the car.

Brian didn't answer him and Michael sighed. "Maybe you could check out the exhibit, you know? Try to find something cool to hang in your loft or in your new office, well, when it's going to be your office."

Brian looked briefly at his friend about to tell him to just shut up and not to talk about exhibits and artists, but stopped himself. "You could use that time to be with Gus while he's in a place that he likes. I still wonder why he keeps drawing a blond guy, but whatever. He's pretty excited about this show even if he doesn't want to tell anybody why."

Brian parked outside the diner and killed the engine before turning his attention to Michael without saying anything about the 'blond figure' from Gus' drawings. "Mikey, listen, I don't want to hang anything in my loft and it's going to take two months before the agency is ready, so I don't really need anything for the office either."

Michael sighed. "I just wanted you to come. Linz would like it. You barely go out with any of us."

"That's because I'm busy. How many times did we have this conversation?"

"Why are you always such in a bad mood? I swear that fucking city made you go crazy" he said in frustration before opening the car's door and heading into the Diner without waiting for Brian.

The brunet stayed in the car, closing his eyes for a moment. Flashing images of paint stained hands, blond shaggy hair and laughing blue eyes filled his mind and determinately, he shook his head to clear his thoughts, but it didn't work the way it should have.

He looked towards the diner and saw Michael talking with Emmett at the counter and without thinking about it he started the car and headed back to the loft. In that moment, he wanted to be alone with his thoughts of the blond man that he used to know so many years before.


	4. Chapter 3

Justin was in the middle of his apartment and was staring down at the little black cat that was currently staring up at him sitting on the floor.

Daphne had dropped him off a couple of days before and the whole time, all the cat did, was following Justin around and every time he got back home, the cat was just a couple of feet away from the door waiting for him. It was like the cat knew not to leave him alone, ever.

"So," Justin began looking around. "It stills seems crazy to talk to you, but… hem… it's just me and you now. I haven't been at home much lately because I was busy, but tonight is the show and after that, it's going to be just the two of us." The cat meowed and Justin smiled. "You're actually cute" he said kneeling down to pet the little furry head. "I think that we're going to be great friends once I have the time to be with you."

He briefly thought that it was just a little bit pathetic that he was 27 and talking to a cat like he was one of his friends.

The phone rang and Justin picked up Sam putting him down on the couch where he just curled up on one of the pillows and started to purr.

"Hello?" Justin said into the phone.

"_Justin, it's me, Lindsay_."

"Oh hey, is there a problem with the show?"

"_No I was just checking out to see if you were ok. You seemed a little off this morning during our meeting_."

Justin shook his head before remembering that Lindsay wouldn't have been able to see him. "I'm ok. Just a little bit nervous."

"_Of course_." She laughed. "_I'm sure that it's going to be great and you're already well known, so you don't have anything to worry about_."

Her motherly tone calmed him down a bit and he found himself smiling. "Thanks, Linz. We'll see later tonight."

"_Sure and you're finally going to meet Gus. Later_"

"Later." he said before hanging up the phone.

Justin turned around and flopped down on the couch absently patting Sam's head.

"You know Sam, there was a time when I knew a man with a son named Gus." Justin shook his head again. "It's stupid, but I'm hoping that it's the same boy. I'd love to see him again after all this time. He was great. We had him over a couple of times and…" he trailed off, remembering those summer afternoons, when they would stay in and play with Gus and nothing else. "I liked the idea of having a family with that man" he said quietly and felt Sam licking his fingers making him laughs.

**5 and A Half Years Earlier…**  
_"Are you sure about this, Brian?" Justin looked nervously towards the gate from where the people were starting to exit._

Brian rolled his eyes. "I've already told you, Justin. I want you to meet him."

"But what if he doesn't like him? What if I'm not good enough with him and…" Brian silenced Justin by kissing him on the mouth. The blond forgot why he was so nervous and relaxed in the arms of the man he loved.

Brian pulled away, leaning his forehead against Justin's. "It's going to be ok. It's practically impossible for someone, not to like you." He gave another soft kiss at the younger man before hearing a little voice shouting "Daddy!"

He smiled. "Just breath, Sunshine."

Justin nodded and looked at the little boy that was running towards them. He stopped in front of Brian and hugged his legs before Brian had the time to bend down and pick him up.

A stewardess, came running after the boy. "Sorry, his mothers told me to look after him until he was with his dad, but as soon as he saw you, he started running."

_Brian picked up Gus. "It's ok and thank you for looking after him."_

The young woman nodded before heading away.

Gus, with his head leaning on his father's shoulder, looked at Justin in the same shy way in which Justin was looking at him. "You're pretty" the little boy said. "Are you a friend of my father's?"

Justin looked at Brian before nodding. "He's a very special friend of Daddy's" Brian told Gus and Gus extended his little hand towards Justin. "I'm Gus Peterson-Marcus."

Justin laughed extending his hand to the boy shaking it, "I'm Justin Taylor."

Gus nodded and smiled at Justin before looking up at his Daddy. "How long am I going to stay with you, Dad?"

"For the whole Summer. Until your mothers come back from their holidays and you didn't have to tell them that you would rather to be with me."

_"I know but I haven't seen you in over a year. I was starting to miss you."_

Brian nodded before picking up Gus' bag and giving the boy over to Justin who quickly held the kid in his arms.

"Now we'll go home."

"Does Justin live with you?"

Brian looked at Justin for a second before shaking his head. "Not exactly" he answered while they were heading towards his corvette.

"How come?"

"Hey, Gus, your father told me that you like to draw," Justin said to distract the boy. "I like to draw too."

"Are you good?"

_"He's the best" Brian answered for him, grateful not to have to answer at his son's question._

Gus and Justin spent the drive home talking about drawing and Brian just enjoyed listening to them.

_Present Days…_**  
**  
"Please Daddy, why don't you come?" Gus pleaded with Brian for the millionth time, trying to convince him to go to the art exhibit that night.

Brian shook his head. "Gus, I've told you, I'm not coming."

"Please Dad! It's important."

Brian looked down at the boy. "Why?"

"I want to show you something."

"Take a picture of whatever it is and then show it to me."

Gus shook his head. "It's not the same. You need to see this."

"Gus, for the last time, I'm not going."

Brian turned his back to the boy and walked over to the kitchen picking up a cup of coffee. After several minutes, he heard his son sighing dejectedly. "You're going to regret it. It's like your last chance" he whispered before picking up his school bag and walking towards the Loft's door.

"Gus?" Brian called after him.

"What, Dad?"

"Why did you say…"

"You're not going to come so what's the point?" and with that said, he waved at his father and headed out of the door closing it behind him.

Brian looked around the empty loft and found himself wondering again why he kept feeling like he needed to go to the exhibit, but just like any other time, he shut down his feelings and went back to his computer to work on some campaign that he was going to show to a potential client for Kinnetik.

When he sat down at his desk, he saw a piece of paper under the keyboard and picked it up finding himself looking at Justin's face.

In the last five years, Gus had started to show his talent and it seemed like what he liked the most to draw, was Justin.

When he met Justin, Gus was only four and an half years old, so he didn't remember much, but what he couldn't remember of that summer, he invented. Back home, he had several sketchpads full of drawings of Brian, Justin and himself. In some of them, they were in Central Park, in some in Brian's loft and in some in Justin's little apartment. Every time someone asked him about who the guy was, he just said "_A friend from New York_" and that was his answer since he came back in the fall of 5 years ago.

The next time he went to visit his dad in New York, he was with his mothers and it was spring and when he tried to ask to Brian about "_Jussy_", the only answer he got, was "_He had to go away_."

For a moment, Brian thought about throwing away the drawing, but instead, he put it in one of his dressers before going to lie down on his bed.

Closing his eyes, another memory of the last months they had together, filled his mind.

**5 and a Half Years Earlier…**

_Justin was stroking Gus' soft cheek with a smile on his face. Brian was lying on his side staring at the scene in front of him._

When Justin put a light kiss on the kid's cheek, Brian extended his arm to stroke the blond locks that fell in Justin's eyes.

The younger man repaid him with a full happy smile. "I already love him" he whispered quietly not to wake the boy up.

"He's easy to love."

"He's amazing. You did an amazing job."

"His mothers did, not me."

Justin put his arm around the small boy pulling him closer into his chest and laid his head on the pillow before looking back in Brian's eyes.

"I always wanted to be a father."

"You're way too young to be thinking like that" Brian told him before looking up at the ceiling.

_"I know that I'm young but I know what I want. And that is a family."_

"Sure" he said sarcastically and being too busy avoiding the younger man's eyes, he lost Justin's frown.

"When you had Gus, you were only two years older than I am now."

"I was drunk and so was his mother."

"Brian…"

"Not everything is the way you want to see it, Justin. Sure I love Gus, he's my son, I get that, but if I stayed in Pittsburgh, I would probably have avoided him all the time. I'm not father material."

"But you still love him. You just said that."

"But that doesn't mean that I wanted to be a father. That's not me."

_"Yeah I know that" Justin whispered quietly before closing his eyes not to let Brian see his sad eyes._

"You're young, Justin."

"Yeah and your point is?"

"That you shouldn't be thinking about settling down or shit like that."

Shit. He calls that shit, Justin thought.

"Besides, I'm too young too. I'm not going to marry you or something like that."

"I know" he answered dejected.

_Brian turned his head and looked at Justin wondering why every time they got in that kind of conversation, he felt the need to make it clear to Justin that they didn't have anything serious knowing that after a year and a half, it was all a crock of shit._

_Present Days…_

Justin picked up his phone while closing his car door. He smiled seeing that it was Daphne.

"How is the life in the cool part of the country?" he asked.

Daphne laughed on the other end of the line. "_It's awesome. There's the sun and the hot guys. Everything I wanted_."

"So you're not coming back."

"_Nope, Mr_."

"That's ok. I already have a new best friend."

"_Let me guess, dark, black hair, green eyes and long nails?_"

Justin laughed before looking both at right and left before crossing the road that took him to the Exhibit's entrance.

"How did you guess?"

"_Because I know how antisocial you are. Now, listen up. I'll be in town for Thanksgiving, so we should see each other or something_."

"Daph, you're parents are in Philadelphia on Thanksgiving, go see them not me. We've saw each other less than a week ago."

"_Yeah whatever. I'm on my break and I called to tell you good luck. Not that you need it…_"

"Thanks Daph, I love you."

He heard her sighing and before another conversation about Brian could start, he said, "I'm inside the gallery now, I need to go."

"_Ok… but just know that I'm aware when someone is trying to get rid of me. But I'm going to forgive you_."

"Thanks."

"_So, I guess I'll call you later._"

"I'll call you tomorrow."

"_Whatever. Later._"

"Later Daph" he said before hanging up.

Taking a deep breath, Justin looked around the full gallery. It was normal for him to do a solo show and be the center of attention, but it was his first show in Pittsburgh and he was feeling more nervous than he ever felt before at one of his shows.

He was late, so every important person was already there and he scanned the room looking for Lindsay and he spotted her talking with a tall man that was wearing a bright red shirt with black jeans. He smiled before making his way over to Lindsay.

"Hey Linz!" Justin said genuinely happy to see her.

"Justin!" she said turning around to hug him. "You're late."

"I know, sorry. I didn't want to come here before anybody else."

"I understand. Let me introduce to one of my best friend" she said pointing towards the tall man that Justin had seen with her.

"Justin, this is Emmett and Emmett, this is Justin."

"Oh the artist" the man said extending his hand that Justin shook with a smile. "And I see that I wasn't the only one that didn't want to wear a tux."

Justin laughed. "It's not my style. Too formal."

"Sure."

In that instant, Melanie and Michael came over to them both introducing themselves to Justin.

The young artist, shook their hands with a "_nice to meet you_" before excusing himself saying that he wanted to take a look around.

He was staring at one of the last pieces that he painted, when he heard a little voice calling his name. He looked down and saw a boy staring at him with a tentative smile on his face.

"You're Justin, right?"

"Gus?" he asked stunned.

The boy gave him a great smile. "You remember me?"

"Of course. It was just a little over five years ago. I was twenty one so of course I remember you. I'm surprised that you…" Gus didn't let him finish but almost threw himself at the blond. "Gus…" Justin said quietly before hugging the boy to him. "You've grown up so much."

"I'm ten now" he said pulling back and his hazel eyes were glassy like the blue ones of the older man.

"Almost, you're birthday is in two weeks" he told the boy who laughed.

"You remember that too."

"Sure. As I was saying, I'm surprised you remembered me. You were so little."

"I remember you. We spent three months together that summer, I couldn't forget and plus, I've been drawing you ever since."

Justin smiled again at him. "Have you?"

"Yes!" the boy answered nodding his head eagerly.

"Is… is your…" he stopped himself when he felt a lump forming in his throat.

Gus became sad. "I tried to talk him into coming, but he isn't into art anymore. When he was still living in New York, Mom tried to take him to see a couple of art shows, but he said that he hated art."

Justin nodded before what the boy said sank in. "When he was still living in New York?"

"He moved back here recently."

The young artist tried not to let his feeling show, but he started to feel trapped and anxious and wanted nothing more than to get away from the Gallery.

"Gus, are your mothers around?"

"Linz and Melanie are my mothers."

"Of course they are. The fucked up cosmic" he muttered looking around the room trying to spot the two women. "I need to go and…"

"Why?"

"I…"

"I knew it was you who was going to do the show. Nobody understood why I was excited about coming here tonight, but I wanted to see you again."

Justin hugged the boy again. "Listen, I need to go now, but you could come over whenever you want to. Just ask your mother, she knows where I live and…"

"I can't. Daddy never told anyone about you. How am I supposed to know a famous artist?"

"Tell her that you asked me if I had some spare time to teach you something" he said smiling. "I'm not going to paint for a while, so we could actually do that."

Gus nodded again wiping away his tears. "Thank you Justin."

Justin looked at Gus again before telling him, "It was great to meet you Gus. When your mother told me your name, I was hoping it was you but your dad never told me the names of your mothers."

"It's ok. We'll have time now."

"Right. I'm going to go now but call me when you want and talk to Linz. I'm sure that she won't ask too many questions when she hears that you want to take some art classes with me."

Gus nodded once again before turning around to leave.

****************************

Brian was standing just outside the gallery smoking a cigarette when he saw a blond man running towards a black car. For a moment, he thought the young man was Justin, but he dismissed the thought as soon as it entered his mind.


	5. Chapter 4

Brian tossed the fourth cigarette in the ashtray and looked at Cynthia. "I think I'm going crazy" he mumbled.

His assistant looked up from the papers in front of her and arched and eyebrow. "Excuse me?"

"I said, I think I'm going crazy."

"Why?"

Lighting up another cigarette, Brian thought carefully if he wanted to answer truthfully and with a sigh he turned his chair so he was facing the big window instead of Cynthia's face. "I thought I saw him."

"Who?"

"Who do you think?"

Cynthia sat in silence, trying to think of the best thing to say but she was speechless. After all this time, she thought that it was over, but if the way her boss was reacting was any indication, it was far from over... at least for him.

"Brian..."

"I'm not sure if it was him but... it looked a lot like him. It was probably just a blond but..." Brian turned again his chair and looked right in the blue eyes of the woman that in the last 7 years had become his best friend. "Christ! I told you. I'm going crazy. What the fuck would he been doing here?"

"Brian, wait. Where did you see him?"

"Outside Linz's gallery."

"Then why don't you ask Lindsay if..."

"No!" he replied quickly. "What should I tell her? "_Hey, Linz, listen. I've been an asshole to you for the last five years and yesterday I refused to show up at the gallery knowing that it was important for you but can you tell me if Justin Taylor was the artist_?" C'mon. She'd tell me to fuck off."

"But if you didn't know that it was Justin's exhibit, what the hell were you doing there? You hate art. Well, not exactly, we both know that it's just an excuse because you feel guilty about the way you treated him after two years that you two were together and now, every time you see a painting, you can't help but think about him." Cynthia finally stopped to take a breath and Brian looked at her stunned. "What?"

"Nothing. I must have missed the post-it that said that you graduated in psychology."

Cynthia rolled a piece of paper into a ball and threw it at Brian. "Stop being an asshole and answer my question."

Brian sighed. "I just felt like it was the right thing to do."

"But you didn't go inside?"

"No. After I saw that blond I changed my mind and besides, we both know what happened last time I was at one of his shows."

"Yeah, you shattered his heart in pieces."

Brian closed his eyes; the image of Justin's hurt expression still vivid in his mind.

"So, what are you gonna do, Boss?"

Brian looked at her confused. "What do you mean what am I gonna do?"

"About Justin."

"I told you I'm not sure that it was him."

"But if it was?"

Brian shrugged and feigned indifference. "It doesn't change anything. It's over. It has been over for five years now."

"Right, because you don't love him anymore. Because you made sure to stay away from every kind of love, because you're so over him" she replied sarcastically and Brian just glared at her knowing full well that he couldn't say anything to that because it was the truth.

"Cynthia, I'm sure that in your little blond head you're convinced that we live in some kind of romance for teenagers without a life of their own, but this is the real world, and in this world, your dreams to witness a great love that will transcend everything, are just that, dreams" and without leaving time for a reply, he gathered up his coat and left.

He was going home and he wasn't going to think about that blond anymore. It was the truth what he told Cynthia. It was over; it had been for a long time now. Or at least, that's what he kept repeating to himself.

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Later that afternoon, he found himself face to face with Gus that was trying to convince his father to take him to a stupid art lesson.

"Dad, please!"

Brian rolled his eyes sighing.

"Why isn't your mother taking you?"

"She's busy and so is Momma. For the whole afternoon."

"I'm only going to take you and pick you up, but I'm not going to stay."

This was Gus' turn to roll his eyes.

"Whatever Dad."

Half an hour later, they were outside a building which was in a neighborhood that was way too straight for Brian's tastes and reluctantly, he parked and went with his son towards the building's entrance.

Gus quickly rang the intercom and Brian was so busy looking at his surroundings that he missed the "J. Taylor" that was written on the intercom button that his son had just pressed. But when he heard a metal voice answer, he froze. He would have known that voice anywhere.

"_Yeah?_"

"It's me, Gus!"

"_Hey... Sam, would you stop it! Sorry Gus. C'mon up and take your mother with you._"

The door opened and Gus started to go inside but stopped when he noticed that his father wasn't following him.

"Dad? You ok?"

"Gus... I..."

"C'mon. We need to go upstairs."

"He... he doesn't know that I was the one taking you, does he?"

Gus shook his head.

"I think it would be best if you went up alone. He's waiting for Linz and you and not for me."

"Dad, don't be like that. Justin isn't going to get angry."

Brian thought for a moment to argue with his son, but the idea of being able to see the young man after five years was something that he wasn't going to throw away even if he was pretty sure that Justin was going to be anything but not angry.

"Who's Sam?" He asked as an afterthought.

Gus shrugged. "How should I know?" And he entered the building once again. Brian took a deep breath and followed him inside. When they reached the top floor, the two doors on the landing were both closed.

"Are you sure it's the right floor? The doors are closed."

Gus nodded before knocking on the door of the apartment on the right. "I asked mom."

Brian felt his heartbeats grow faster and his hands became sweaty and he felt ridiculous for feeling that way when he was 33.

After a few seconds, the door swung open.

"Sorry, I couldn't leave the door open or Sam would have escaped."

Justin stepped aside and just as Gus and Brian noticed the black cat in his arms, Justin noticed Brian.

"You have a cat!" Gus shouted and Sam meowed.

Brian closed the door and fixed his gaze upon the younger man. He looked as old as he looked at 22 and had the hair as short as when they first met. His body was slightly built and he looked even more beautiful than ever to Brian's eyes. A sight that Brian wanted to drink in.

Justin stayed frozen on the spot, looking at the man he loved standing in his apartment... corrupting the only place that he had that was Brian-free.

Sam meowed pulling both men from their thoughts.

Gus looked between his father and Justin and asked himself if maybe he had made a mistake taking his father with him without telling Justin first. He just knew that he wanted to see his father happy again and he was sure that Justin was exactly what Brian needed because the last time that he had seen his father smiling, the young artist had been there.

Justin looked at Gus and frowned.

"Gus..."

"Mom and Momma were busy" the boy explained.

"You could have called. I would have come to pick you up."

"I..." Gus sighed. "Sorry, Justin and I'm sorry Daddy" he looked at his father before turning back to Justin. "Jus, Dad didn't know that it was you teaching me art."

The blond put Sam down and the cat went immediately to curl up on the sofa starting to sleep. Deciding that he wasn't going to let Brian knew how affected he was by his presence more than he had already showed; he looked at the man in the eyes.

"Brian" he said calmly, "Long time no see."

Justin thought that Brian probably couldn't care less about seeing him after all that time and he wasn't going to give into him like he did when he was just 20.

Brian nodded. "Yeah, long time." Instead, Brian was wondering why Justin wasn't married with kids all over the place since he so strongly wanted those things when he was younger. He was sure that once they weren't together anymore, Justin would have been able to have those things. To have the life that he wanted so much.

The two men looked at each other for several seconds before the artist turned his back to father and son. "Something to drink?" He asked and before anyone could answer him, he went into the kitchen.

Brian looked at Gus who was too busy patting the cat to notice him and followed Justin into the kitchen.

The younger man had his back to the door but Brian could see the tension in his muscles like he did so many times before. Still staring away from Brian, Justin asked "What?" and the older man wasn't surprised that Justin could still feel when he was into a room like happened when they were together.

"I... I didn't really know that we were coming here. I didn't even know that you were living in Pittsburgh."

"I know. You would never make Gus lie for you" and Brian was both surprised and pleased that Justin still had that little respect for him.

"I'll go now. Just make sure Gus calls me when you two are done."

Justin nodded before grabbing a cup for the coffee that he was making.

Suddenly, he felt a sting in the pit of his stomach and without realizing it he started trembling unsure of what was happening to him even if he had the suspicious that it was the idea of having Brian so close after all that time and the thought of seeing him gone once again.

When he felt a hand on his shoulder, he turned around abruptly dropping the cup he was holding on to the floor. "Fuck!" He bent down to pick up the pieces and cut his thumb. "Shit!"

A small smile grew on Brian's face and without thinking about it he took the bleeding finger in his hands. Justin tried to pull away but Brian led him towards the sink opening the faucet and putting Justin's finger under the cold water. While he was looking at the artist hand in his own, he frowned.

"What?" Justin asked.

"Your hands" he answered quietly. "They're..."

"They're what?"

"Where's the paint?"

Justin looked at him stunned. "What you mean?"

"Your hands used to always be covered in paint and not matter how many times you would wash them, there would always be paint under your nails. You haven't been painting" and it was a statement.

Justin took his hand away and closed the faucet. "I... I haven't been painting in a while."

Brian's frown deepened. "How long is a while?"

This time, was Justin's turn to frown. "A while. It doesn't matter how long..."

They stayed there, in the middle of the little kitchen just looking at each other and then Justin looked away.

"You can come pick him up in two hours."

Brian wanted to say more, but only nodded before going away.

Gus came in the kitchen as soon as his father had closed the door behind him and found Justin sat at the little table staring into nothing.

"Justin?"

"What is it Gus?" he asked without turning around.

Gus took a couple of tentative steps towards him and felt like a little kid that had been caught doing something wrong.

"I'm sorry. I didn't think that you were going to be so affected by him. I... Dad hasn't been the same since you left. He disappeared from everyone. No one knew where he was and when he did come back, he wasn't Dad anymore."

Justin turned on the stool he was sitting on and stared at Gus confused.

"What do you mean?"

"When I came over that summer, we were together all the time, the three of us, it was great, then you left and when I saw Dad again, he was different. I could count the times that he played with me since you two broke up on the fingers of one hand." Gus sighed and lowered his gaze. "I wanted to see him happy again and the only time I remember having seen him happy was when you two were together so I tried to make him come at the show yesterday and today..."

"You told your Dad that your mothers were busy."

"I asked them to let me come with Dad because I never get to see him. They believed me and I dragged him here. I'm sorry."

The young artist nodded and looked Gus deep into his eyes but they were so similar to Brian's, that he felt the need to look away. He started to feel trapped like it happened the night before at his show.

"Gus, what... what I had with your Dad..." Justin shook his head and tried to think of the best way to put his thoughts into words. "It was the first time that I felt like I had a home. When it was over, I came back here and I thought... hoped, that I wasn't going to see him again."

"Why?"

"Because it would have been too much. You know, we were good together, I don't know what changed for him in what we had but something changed and we broke up and I don't want to see your Dad."

"Like never again?"

Justin nodded. "I thought that he was never coming back here. Of all the places where I could go, I chose this because he always told me how much he hated being in this city but he must have changed his mind. Anyway, it doesn't matter, I just don't want to see him if it's not necessary."

Gus nodded and weirdly hugged Justin. It felt strange after all those years, but he still felt like Justin was another dad to him and he didn't want to have to change that. Maybe it wasn't the right thing to do to force them together in the same place, but he still thought that those two needed each other to be finally happy and with that thought, he let go of Justin and smiled.

"It's my birthday next week. I want you to come."

"Gus, I've just told you..."

"That you don't want to have to meet him if it's not necessary, well, you can't miss my birthday. I'd be sad."

A small smile graced Justin's face and he looked into the hazel eyes before him. "I bet you'd be."

"So, you're coming!"

"I didn't..."

"Pretty please?" and Justin finally laughed.

"You're a bit too old for doing this."

"It's still working, isn't it?"

The blond nodded. "I'll come but please, don't try again to force me and your father together. It won't work."

"Ok. I promise" he said without being really convinced that he was going to let it go and Justin knew that it wasn't going to be easy to be friends with Gus when that meant seeing Brian every now and then. It looked like he wasn't going to be able to stay away from the older man like he had planned.

"Now let's get started before your father comes back."

Justin stood up and went into the living room and grabbed the art supplies that he was going to let Gus use and then they sat down around the small coffee table and Justin told Gus to start doing a drawing of something so he'd be able to see what he could start teaching the boy.

Time seemed to fly as they sat in the living room, with Sam curled up on the sofa and the papers filled with drawings that were starting to occupy all the table and part of the floor around it. Before either of them realized, it was getting dark outside and they heard a knock on the door. Sam meowed and Gus picked him up to play while Justin stood up and went to open the door.

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Brian had been at the Loft all afternoon thinking about Justin. Seeing him again made him feel in a way that he forgot he could feel.

The last time they saw each other, it was a total disaster, they had been fighting and yelling at each other and in the end, he had lost Justin. Now, a feeling of relief started to spread through him.

Brian looked up at the ceiling of the Loft and for the first time in a long time, he started to feel like hoping was worth a try. He felt like Justin was worth a fight and with that determination, he took the decision that he was going to do anything he could to be sure that Justin gave him a second chance to make things right, and this time he wouldn't fuck everything up like he did in the past. This time, he was going to use truth and love to keep him around and wasn't about to push him away as soon as something started to get hard.

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When the door was opened, Brian looked at Justin and when he saw the traces of charcoal on his hands and white t-shirt, he smiled.

Resisting the urge of touching Justin, he said "Gus didn't call. It's pretty late" and Justin had a confused expression on his face for a couple of seconds.

"What time is it?" he then asked and Brian laughed, reminded once again of something that was once daily routine. Justin was still his Justin. He hadn't changed.

"It's half past eight. I need to take Gus back to Linz and Mel."

"Oh, yeah sure. Fuck I didn't look at the clock. We lost track of time."

Justin stepped aside letting Brian in the apartment. He saw Gus sat on the carpet patting Sam and couldn't help but smile. Everything felt more relaxed and he was glad that they were past the initial awkwardness. He was perfectly aware of the fact that Justin must have been affected by seeing him so suddenly and after five years, but if he was honest with himself, he had to admit that seeing him again felt like being in the center of a tornado and it felt fucking amazing and he remembered the jealousy he had felt when he thought that Sam was a new boyfriend, he smiled.

"Gus, pack up your shit. We need to go" Brian told his son who snorting got up from the floor and started putting away the drawings that he made with Justin and retrieved his jacket and out of the corner of his eye, he saw his father's little smile and he felt like putting them back together was the best thing he could possibly do.

Justin, on the other hand, sat down on the sofa pulling his knees to his chest and looked between father and son feeling somewhat happy to have that sight in front of him just like it had been in the past. It felt right. But then he remembered that it wasn't his family anymore and a sad expression came down on his face.

Brian, who was watching him intensely, frowned. The happy smile that adorned Justin's face for a minute disappeared into a faraway look that became quickly a sad expression.

"You ok?" he asked and Justin looked up at him and when their eyes met, Brian felt like it was the first time he saw him all over again. He was still feeling the same pull towards the younger man just like every time he had looked at him in the past.

Justin cleared his throat before answering him with a simple "Yeah" which Brian didn't buy for a second.

He looked at his son who was ready by the door and took a deep breath deciding that if he was going to try to have Justin back into his life, he could just as well start right then.

So, stepping closer to the younger man who looked at him defensively, he said "Yesterday I saw you outside the gallery. I thought that I went crazy and I was seeing things again like after you left. I used to see you in every blond guy I crossed path with. But..." he paused and tried to remind himself that yes, he could do it if it meant letting Justin see that somewhere, deep down inside, he still loved him even after five years. "Well, I'm happy that it was you."

"Because it means that you're not going nuts?" Justin asked with a smirk.

Brian rolled his lips inside his mouth to prevent a smile from forming on his face.

"Daddy! Hurry up I'm starving" Gus shouted from the door and Brian decided that an exit in great style was in his style. So he took another step towards Justin and bent down so he was eyes level with him and their faces were just slightly apart.

"No, because it meant that you are really here and that I could always run into you from time to time."

He closed quickly the gap between them lightly kissing those lips that were his torment from the first time. They felt soft and sweet just like always and he had the fear that he wouldn't have been able to pull back, but when he felt Justin tensing up, he ended the kiss and smiled at him. "Later" he said and left Justin in a state of shock, he turned around, grabbed Gus by the jacket, and dragged him out of the apartment.

"Dad, why did you do it?" Gus asked as soon as they were in the car.

Brian smiled at his son. "Because I've been waiting for five years to be able to do that again" and with that said, he sped off towards Linz and Mel's place.


	6. Chapter 5

_**Now I cannot speak, I lost my voice. I'm speechless and redundant. 'Cause 'I love you's not enough. I'm lost for words...**_

_**New York City – 23 October 2004**_

_Brian sat down in the chair on the other side of Dr. Shawls' desk and, feign indifference to the reason why he was there, looked out of the window, towards the sky hovering over the city drenched in that shade of orange prelude of the twilight. "So, what's the verdict Doc?"_

Dr. Shawls took away his glasses and sighed. "I'm sorry that I have to tell you this Mr. Kinney but..."

"Let's just get to the point."

_The Doctor sighed and carefully studied Brian's face before continuing. _

"_The lump we found and the weight loss are both symptoms of Non-Hodgkin Lymphoma. From the tests that we ran, we detected that it's Small Lymphocytes Lymphoma, which is good because it could have been worse. The tumor is located in your lymph nodes near the pelvis area and it's a stage 4. Normally, it would have been bad, but this type of cancer is very treatable and it's usually cured with chemotherapy. I want you to understand that we took it in time so we have a very good chance of success with the treatment. It's best if you were treated in Toronto. There is a friend of mine there, who is one of Canada's top oncologist and about 80% of his patients completely recovered from cancer. You will have to have a type of chemotherapy that will have a lot of side effects but will give us the chance to cure you without having to do surgery. The side effects will be nausea, vomiting, pain and eventually loss of hair but it's very important that you stay as positive as you can during the treatment. Unfortunately, with the chemotherapy, it won't be just the bad cells that will be killed, but the good one as well. You will have to stay away from people, restaurant foods and anything that might bring you in contact with outside germs because your immune system will be rendered useless by the treatments. The slightest cold could cause a chain reaction of infections and complicate things and be very dangerous for your health. Do you understand what I am saying, Mr. Kinney?"_

Brian thought that it was crazy that in the moment the word "cancer" had left the Doc's mouth, what he was thinking wasn't 'Oh God I'm going to die' but 'How will I tell Justin?' and he wondered what would happen if he was in the other 20% that didn't recover from the cancer. He wondered how he had ended up being a percentage. 

"_Mr. Kinney?"_

Brian looked at the Doctor in the eyes and sighed. "When should I leave?"

"I recommend starting the treatments as soon as possible and you should be stress-free. Therefore, it would be good if you were to leave work at least a week before going to Canada."

_Brian nodded and stood up. "I have to go now."_

"_Mr. Kinney?"_

"Yeah?" he asked fixing his gaze once again on the Doctor's and Dr. Shawls felt like they were looking right through him.

"_I meant what I said. You have great chances of complete recovery from this cancer. You are young and you have to stay positive. If I was to have cancer, this would be the one I'd choose and I mean it."_

Brian nodded once again turned around and left. As his taxi was taking him back to the loft, he had the answer to how he was going to tell Justin. He just wouldn't tell him. 

_**28 October – 2004**_

"_Cynthia" Brian looked at his assistant who was currently sipping her coffee sitting at the kitchen counter._

"_Yeah Boss?"_

"I have something to tell you."

She nodded and looked around. "Where's Justin? I thought that he was going to help us out with the Remson account."

"He went to buy groceries. Look, I'm leaving in three days. After Justin's show at the galley, I have a flight to catch."

"Oh a romantic getaway?" she asked smiling but Brian quickly shook his head. 

"_No I have to go somewhere. Justin won't know where and I'm not going to tell you because you two are like brother and sister and I won't make you lie to him. I'm only telling you this because I will need you to look out for my business."_

Cynthia put her mug down and looked concerned at her Boss. "What's happening? You're scaring me."

"I have to go. Can't tell you more."

"What? You're suddenly 007?"

"I wish." They heard the elevator stop outside the loft and Brian looked at Cynthia silently asking her to keep his secret. She nodded just as the door opened.  


_**31 October 2004**_

_Justin was smiling like he had never done before, or so he thought. He felt like he was floating ten feet above the ground. His first show in a New York gallery and he was out of himself with joy. He was having people looking at his art and he felt like every dream he ever had was becoming a reality and he had Brian there with him, he felt like he had everything he had ever needed._

_He kept talking with everyone for the first hour, Brian was late but he wasn't paying attention. When he had had an interview with every journalist and art critic that was there, Brian finally showed up, went straight over to Daphne, Cynthia, Mark and Paul, and started chatting with them._

_Justin excused himself from yet another man that was trying to get him to fuck him and went over to the group of his friends. However, when he was standing right behind Brian, before he could have a chance to make his presence known to his lover, he heard he said._

"_We aren't in a relationship. I'm not his partner and we are not in love with each other. The last thing we are thinking about is monogamy, so what gave you the impression that things were serious between us? Because we have spent the last two years fucking each other?" _

_Justin felt like he was being punched repeatedly in the guts._

"_Brian..." Paul started, locking his worried gaze with Justin's. _

"_What? Did he tell you otherwise?" and Brian knew that Justin was standing right behind him. He had known from the start but thought that he was doing the best thing for both of them. _

"_Brian, that's enough" Daphne started and Cynthia kept looking between Brian and Justin not understanding why her boss was behaving like that. _

_Justin gulped, trying to swallow the lump forming in his throat and took a couple of steps back wanting to get away from that scene but not trusting his legs. In that moment Brian turned around, their eyes locked, and he saw regret and sorrow in the older man's eyes but turned his back to him and left the gallery. _

_****************************_

Justin was trying with all his might to prevent the tears from falling, but as he shoved his things in his suitcase, he was felt everything breaking down inside him. When he had gotten home, he wanted to wait for Brian, to talk to him, but as he sat on the bathroom floor, he saw condoms discharged in the trashcan and it was at that point he decided that he was leaving.

_They had been staying in a hotel near the gallery for two days because Brian wanted Justin to relax. He had even taken some time off from work to be with his young lover and they had only gotten home that morning. The trashcan had been empty when Justin had left the loft to go to the gallery, because they hadn't fucked. _

_Justin shook his head talking to himself. 'We aren't in a relationship. I'm not his partner and we are not in love with each other. The last thing we are thinking about is monogamy' but Brian had promised him... had promised before asking him to move in the loft, long before they had played family with Gus in Central Park. And in that moment, as he was trying hard to pack up his things as fast as he could so he would be gone when Brian came back, he felt stupid. _

_**Pittsburgh – November 2009**_

Lindsay smiled as Brian entered the house carrying a big box with him.

"I'm happy you could make it."

"It's sonny boy's birthday after all."

He closed the door behind him and started walking towards the backyard.

"Brian, you never come for his birthday. What's the real reason you are here?"

"I don't have a hidden agenda, Linz" and before she could say anything, Brian was already outside to Gus.

"Dad!" Gus hugged his father and smiled brightly. "I was sure that you were going to come but Mom told me not to get my hopes up."

"Well, I'm here now."

"Look who's here too!" his son pointed towards the swing set where Justin was sitting eating cake. "He just got here. Like two minutes before you."

Brian looked at Justin and then back at his son. "Gus, this is not a new plan you came up with so Justin and I would end up together, right?"

The boy looked down for a moment and when his eyes locked with the identical ones of his father again, he smiled. "I can't tell you that because you always told me not to lie."

"Gus..."

"I know. Justin told me that he doesn't want to see you if wasn't necessary and after you left his apartment last week, he was pretty upset and I don't want to see him like that again. I think I'm going to back off."

Brian arched an eyebrow and crossed his arms over his chest. "Why don't I believe you?" The boy just shrugged and went to play with his friends.

Justin had been reluctant at the thought of going to Gus' party and more than once; he had thought about calling to cancel but in the end had always decided against it. So there he was, sitting on a swing, staring into nothing and wondering once again, what he was going to do once Brian arrived.

A voice from behind him, took him away from his thoughts. "So he convinced you."

Justin looked over his shoulder and a little smile played on his face. "He said pretty please" and shrugged.

Brian sat down on the other swing and took the cake from Justin's hands and started eating it. 

"I thought that we were past the share the dessert stage."

"You know that I always watch what I eat. I have to keep my figure."

"You're 33; you don't have to worry about what you eat."

The older man turned his head so he was looking at the blond and smiled.

"Why is that?"

"My mother used to tell Molly all the time that if she kept her figure until she was 30, she wouldn't have to worry about becoming fat anymore."

Brian laughed. "That's bullshit."

"No it's not. Look at her, she's as skinny as she was before having me or Molly and I am twenty seven and still hot."

"That's true" and for a brief moment, their eyes locked and both had a million questions to ask the other. Brian wanted to know if it was too late, if Justin could ever forgive him, if in the last five years he had met someone that had made him fall in love… and Justin wanted to ask Brian why he was back, how life had been in the last five years, if he ever thought about him after he left, why he had said those things that night or if someday it would have stopped hurting so much inside, the mere idea of what they had once been.

"How was the show?" Brian asked trying to change the subject and act like they weren't thinking about the past.

"It was good. I sold everything."

"Maybe I could come to the next one."

Justin shrugged. "I don't know when or if I will have the next show."

Brian put the now empty plate down on the grass and turned his head to Justin. "What?"

"I…" he cut himself off wondering if it was ok to tell the whole truth but when he looked in Brian's eyes and saw real concern there, he sighed. "There are times of the year when I can't paint."

"When?"

"April and October" and they didn't need to state the obvious remembering that those were the months when they had met and said good-bye.

They sat in silence after that until Gus came running towards them. "Dad, Justin, we are opening the presents now and Mom said that it's starting to be too cold to stay outside. Come inside!"

Justin stood up and smiled at Gus. "I have to go now. Sam is alone at home and…"

"You don't have to make up excuses, its ok" the boy said. "I'm just happy that you decided to show up," he hugged Justin and turned around leaving both him and his father standing in the now deserted backyard. 

"If you are leaving because of me…"

"No I really have to go."

"Because of the cat?"

"Brian…"

The older man sighed. "Ok. Whatever" he turned around to leave but felt a hand closing around his wrist.

"I'm sorry but I can't pretend that nothing ever happened between us. That I have never loved you, lived with you, and shared your son and your dreams and…"

He turned around so he could face the younger man. "Do you think that it's easy for me?" and Brian saw the walls come up behind Justin's eyes.

"It was you who never talked to anyone about us. What it was that you said? '_I'm never going back there. I have my life here now and except for Gus, they aren't part of me anymore, so you don't have to meet them_' if they knew, then I wouldn't need to pretend that you weren't the love of my life!"

"You remember what I told you almost seven years ago?" and as soon as the words had left his mouth, Brian knew what a stupid question that had been.

"I remember everything that you ever told me Brian. Everything. Now, if you don't have anything else to tell me, I'm going to go." Justin turned around and started to leave when he felt Brian calling him again. "What now?"

"I want to meet with you sometime."

"Why?"

"I don't know. So we could catch up?"

Justin laughed a bitter laugh. "And talk about the past? See where exactly we fucked up?"

"Maybe."

"I don't think so. A trip down memory lane is not in the top ten things I want to do before dying."

Brian smirked thinking that Justin wasn't going to make it easy on him and he couldn't really blame him.

"What? Is there something funny?" the blond asked putting his hands on his hips and glaring at the older man.

"Nope. Nothing funny" but he wanted to laugh at Justin's attitude. He was still the young boy that had spilled coffee on his suite and he had hope that that part of the younger man would be able to forgive him. 

"I'm going and one more thing" he took a step closer to Brian and frowned. "Why did you come so late to pick up Gus?"

"Because you are still his other dad. In addition, if he hasn't seen me for more than ten times in the last five years, he hasn't seen you at all and because of me. I wanted to give you time to spend together."

Justin nodded and almost smiled while still looking at Brian's strangely happy face. "Thank you."

"You are welcome."

"But no more kissing" he said before turning around and leaving.

Brian was still smiling when he went inside Mel and Linz's house. 

_**Chelsea – NYC – 5 November 2004**_

_Justin looked at Cynthia, diverting his gaze away from the city skyline. "And he didn't tell you anything?"_

"_No. It's been almost a week and I haven't heard a word from him. I tried to talk to our Boss, but he just told me that it's something confidential. I guess he's the only one knowing why Brian left."_

_Cynthia studied Justin intensely and found herself asking again if he was ok. "You can tell me. I saw you two becoming friends and then partners and I can understand..." _

_Justin cut her off. "Don't call him that. He's not my partner and he never was."_

"_Justin, I'm sure that he didn't mean..."_

"_Of course he did."_

_Being at a loss for words, Cynthia reached out a hand and took one of Justin's in hers. "What are you gonna do now? I have a spare room if..."_

"_No. I'm going to be ok. Don't worry."_

"_Are you staying with Daphne?"_

_Justin shook his head. "In a hotel. I will leave soon."_

"_And where are you going?"_

_Shrugging, the young man looked once again out of the big windows of Cynthia's apartment. "I won't tell you. If he ever comes back and asks about me, I don't want you to lie."_

"_You two are more alike than you will ever know" she quietly told him and just as she had thought, Justin didn't reply.  
_

_**Pittsburgh – November – 2009**_

Justin put Sam down and stood up looking around for the phone that was ringing. He found it under the couch pillows and quickly answered with a breathless "Hello?"

"Doing something interesting, Sunshine?"

Justin froze, tempted to hang up but decided against it. "How can you have my number?"

"There is this amazing thing called a phone book." Brian quietly laughed and lay down on the sofa of his loft. He wasn't sure why he had called Justin, or why he had asked Gus for the man's number. He just knew that he had felt the need to call him.

"Why are you calling?" Justin asked sounded annoyed.

"You didn't tell me yes."

Frowning, Justin asked "When?"

"At the munchers' party. I was serious. I need to see you."

"You saw me..."

"Jus..."

"Brian, we haven't seen each other in five years. I doubt that you have something to tell me after all this time."

Brian let several minutes go by in silence before talking again.

"I have to tell you why I left that way. Cynthia told me that you were looking for me before disappearing."

"I never disappeared. You did."

"I know. And I want to tell you why."

"It doesn't matter."

"Yes it does. I just need you to hear me out and then, if you want to never see me again, I will leave you in peace."

He waited for Justin's response for a long time and feared that the younger man had hung up.

"Justin? You there?"

Taking a deep breath, Justin asked, "Is it something that will hurt?"  
"Probably."

"Something that I will want to hear?"

"Probably not."

_Of course_, thought Justin. "There is a coffee bar just down the street. Meet me there tomorrow at four."

"Ok, thanks."

"Bye" was Justin's only reply before hanging up.


	7. Chapter 6

_**New York City – April 2003**_

_Justin smiled as Brian took his hand pulling him towards the little boat that was waiting for them._

"_Seriously, Brian?"_

_The older man laughed, looking back at the shining face of his boyfriend. _

"_I told you that we were going to celebrate your twenty-first birthday in style." _

"_I thought that you meant taking me out to a club, get me drunk and fuck me senseless. Not renting a little boat to take me to Elis Island in the middle of the night."_

_Brian almost ran down the wooden ramp that leads on the boat. _

"_I didn't rent it. Gibson gave it to me."_

_Justin looked stunned. _

"_You asked your boss for his boat?"_

"_Yeah, now stop complaining. This is cooler than what you thought." He pulled Justin to him kissing him softly on the lips before grabbing his head between his hands. "I wanted to give you a birthday that you would never forget."_

"_I won't. I promise."_

_**Pittsburgh – November 2009**_

Justin was barely out of the shower when he heard the doorbell ringing. "Fuck" he muttered taking the first pair of sweats he could find and putting them on before going to open the door. He wondered once again why he had called Brian back to tell him to meet him at his apartment.

Brian raked his eyes over Justin's body. He felt a pent-up lust burning within him. Justin had always been the only man that could awake such sensations in him and he missed how alive the younger man could make him feel.

"Hey, am I early?"

Justin shook his head.

"No it just took me too long in the shower."

He stepped aside letting the older man enter his apartment and quickly closed the door behind him before walking back inside his bedroom. He left the door slightly opened so he would have been able to hear Brian if he was to start a conversation.

"It's nice."

He heard while he was putting on a black t-shirt and started looking through his closet for a shirt to put over it.

"What?" he called from the bedroom.

"Your apartment. I never thought that you would like something so small considering that you used to work three jobs in order to share that mega-apartment with that looser."

Memories of their time together in the beginning came flashing in Justin's mind and he felt saddened thinking about how happy they were back then. Even if he had to beg Brian to come over to his place since he couldn't stand his roommate. Despite the bitterness of those memories, Justin usually indulged in them, choosing to divide the bad ones from the good ones.

"He got married" he found himself shouting while trying to put on a clean pair of jeans and buttoning up the flannel shirt he had just found.

"Who?" Brian was sitting down on the little sofa looking around with interest. He felt Sam jumping in his lap and instead of pushing him away, he started scratching behind his hears obtaining a soft purr from the black cat.

"Ronnie." Justin took his old pair of black converse from under the bed and put them on. He was tying the shoes-laces when Brian appeared in the doorway. He leaned against the doorframe and looked down at Justin.

"That pathetic excuse of a man?"

He had a smirk on his face and Justin smiled up at him before nodding.

"Once he tried to fuck me. I was drunk out of my mind and he wanted to make me believe that it was you," Justin remembered laughing. He stood up from the bed and took a towel rubbing it through his hair.

Brian raised an eyebrow smirking.

"Always told you that he had a crush on you."

He stared attentively at Justin. Following every one of his moves, secretly happy that he was acting so normal around him. He had hated to see the younger man so distressed by him. He took in the blue-jeans, the flannel shirt checkered red and black and the worn-out black converse and smiled. It was like looking back at a time when Brian would stand and watch him getting ready for school or for going out with him and his friends. Always looking the same but with a sort of aura enshrouding him. Like walls built around him to prevent another hurtful encounter. And Brian briefly wondered if he had ever spilled anything on anyone and asked them out again.

Staring at him, he was almost sure that probably, Justin had never looked up into a strangers eyes with the same look on his face that he had on that distant spring day. When he had found a little smile on his face; an open invitation to become something more than just a stranger on a busy street of New York.

Justin's voice yanked him out of his thoughts. "He ended up marrying some little nice girl from the Upper East Side. He wanted to please his daddy." Turning to Brian, he smiled. "He invited me to the wedding but I refused." Justin grabbed his leather jacket and walked over to the door.

"So, ready to go?"

"I was waiting for you" Brian said smiling back at him.

When they reached the street, Justin got nervous, not being truly sure that he wanted to hear why Brian had left five years before.

Brian, on the other hand, was doing his best to gather up the courage that he would need to finally tell the truth to the man that he loved.

When they approached the little coffee shop at the end of the street, it was too soon for both of their liking.

They took one of the tables facing the street. Brian remembered that Justin had always loved watching the people from the big windows of the shops. They ordered a black coffee and soon Justin asked what it was that Brian had to tell him.

Bracing himself for the discussion ahead of them, Brian took a sip from his coffee, a deep breath and finally looked straight into Justin's eyes.

"I know that it's probably too late, not to mention that you probably don't care anymore, but seeing you again, made me realize that I owed you the truth."

Justin nodded, dropping his gaze to the cup in front of him. He could feel in the pit of his stomach that he wasn't going to like what was to come.

"So…" he coughed a little to clear his throat from the lump that he could feel forming there and looked back up in Brian's warm hazel eyes. He could have sworn that there was still that love that he had seen in them all those years before. "Go ahead. Tell me."

The truth was that he wasn't sure if it was too late. But he knew that he still cared. That he still loved the man in front of him. Suddenly, he wondered if Brian could see the love in his eyes and decided to divert his gaze once again.

"A week before your show, I was diagnosed with cancer."

Justin looked up from his coffee and stared at Brian for a long time. Then, having thrown a couple of bills on the table, he got up and left the coffee shop.

Brian wondered what was happening. He had expected a full queening-out-act and not this cold disinterest. When he noticed that Justin had paid for his coffee as well, he understood that he probably wanted to carry on the conversation outside the public place so he got up and followed the younger man outside.

Justin was leaning against Brian's corvette, his head bent down. From the set of his shoulders, Brian could see that he was about to explode. He carefully touched Justin's arm but before he could realize what was happening, the blond had slapped him across the face. His skin burned in the cold November air.

"I can't believe what a piece of shit you are! How could you not tell me? Did you think that I was going to leave you? That I was so shallow?"

Tears of anger filled his eyes.

Brian shook his head. "I know that you would have stick around." He looked straight into the angry blue eyes staring at him. "Out of obligation."

"Out of love" Justin retorted, stepping closer to Brian. "I would have taken care of you because I loved you, you stupid fuck! Did you have to be such a fucking asshole to me that night?"

"It would have been unfair. Look at where you are now! You're famous; you can live off your art…"

"I have what I always wanted but I don't have what I need! What you said that night" Justin shook his head for a second. "You shattered me so much that I couldn't do anything. I didn't paint for months and then I realized that it was all I had left. Couldn't have I had both you and my art?"

"No. I would have held you back."

Justin wanted to laugh at the absurdity of the situation. "I…" his shoulders slumped down. "No one knew where you went… I was scared out of my fucking mind. When Cynthia finally called me two years later to tell me that you were ok, I wanted to hunt your ass down and beat the shit out of you for leaving that way."

Brian smirked, sliding his hands in the pockets of his expensive coat. "So, no pity?" And as much as he had wanted for Justin to forgive him, he was relieved knowing that he wasn't going to treat him like some sort of precious porcelain doll cracked, barely holding together, and a step from falling into shards.

Justin looked straight into Brian's eyes, holding his gaze as he shook his head. "I wouldn't have pitied you back then, and I won't now." He could feel the anger and the love battling inside him. Tearing him between forgiveness and resentment.

Brian nodded. "Thank God."

The younger man let several minutes go by in silence before he spoke again. "What… what kind of cancer?" His voice sounded small among the traffic noise and Justin was relieved that they weren't standing in the little coffee shop or his apartment. This way, he could just turn around and run away if Brian's words hurt too much. He almost felt like a kid that asked for something he didn't really wanted to know.

"Lymphocytes Lymphoma," Brian said just above a whisper. It felt strange to say it out loud. His boss in New York was the only one that Brian had ever told to. And as the words left his mouth, he felt as if a weight was being lift from his shoulders, now that the only person that really mattered knew the truth. He hoped that after five years, Justin could stop hating him. He hoped that telling the truth, with the due time, could make them step closer once again.

Bracing himself for the next question, Justin tentatively took a step forward. "It doesn't change anything but, you… you're ok now?"

Brian barely had the time to nod before finding himself held tightly in the blond's arms. Justin clenched to Brian as if his life depended on it and Brian felt like it was the first time he breathed in five years. 

_**New York City – April 2003 **_

_Brian entwined his fingers through Justin's, tightening the hold he had on the slim waist with his other hand. The moonlight was gently lightening up the porcelain skin beneath him, making it almost glow in the darkness._

_Brian leaned his forehead on the sweaty skin of Justin's back, right between his shoulder blades and in his mind, he could hear himself saying, 'Sometimes, I look at you and I can feel myself drowning. I just don't think I want to find my way back up to the surface…'_

**End Chapter Notes**: I know that probably someone wanted a more angsty chapter, but this is the only way I could write it but don't worry because Brian will still have to work to get him back!


	8. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

Justin put his jacket down on the couch and sighed.

Sam came to rub against his legs and the blond smiled softly before bending down to pick the cat up. They sat down on the couch and the kitten quickly curled up on his lap while Justin closed his eyes and thought back to the afternoon that had just ended.

After the hug, he had felt awkward. He had been scared for Brian, what had happened to him, what he had gone through, and had felt the need to hug him. To hold him like so many times before. But then he had felt another kind of fear.

The fear of falling back into something he had sworn was behind him for good. He felt like he was ready to beg Brian to never go away again and knowing that he was weak enough give in that easily, had completely terrified him. And that was the reason why he had pulled away, told Brian that he was happy to know that he was doing better, had turned around and left. Or to be more specific, had run 'til he was back in his apartment.

He had feared that Brian would chase after him, but he was relieved to see that that hadn't happened. Even if, having to admit the truth, he would have had to say that he was halfway relieved and halfway disappointed.

The ring of his phone jolted him. "Shit, I need to get a grip," he mumbled while getting up. But when he was standing by the phone, he found out that he didn't want to answer, because he didn't want to talk to Brian if it was him calling, and because he generally wanted to be alone right at that moment.

He sighed a breath of relief when it stopped ringing and the answering machine picked up.

'_Justin, it's Lindsay. You're probably not at home right now, but I wanted to ask you if maybe you wanted to come over for dinner tomorrow. Debbie, you met her at Gus' birthday, __has a weekly dinner and we'd like for you to come… call me if you can make it and I will give you direction… bye.'_

Justin knew that going to that dinner meant seeing Brian again and he wasn't sure that he would be able to pull up all the walls in time. Sighing, he turned his back to the phone and looked at Sam that was staring at him from the couch.

"I don't know what to do," he said. "And I'm talking to you like you can help me decide. I think I'm going crazy…" he shook his head and walked over to the bathroom door. "If I don't go, Brian will think that I'm avoiding him and I don't want him thinking that I'm still that stupid kid from five years ago… maybe I should go…"

Sam meowed and despite himself, Justin laughed. "I will take that as a yes," he said before disappearing inside the bathroom.

'_Well, what the hell was I expecting from him? That he would tell me that he still loved me? That he would kiss me, begging me to get back together?_ Brian threw his coat down on the sofa and walked over to the bar to pour himself a drink. '_How fucking stupid can I be?_' he cursed himself downing the first glass of Beam.

He noticed the red light of the answering machine blinking and walked over to the phone pressing the play button.

'_You have two messages_: _Brian it's Linz. I know that you've only been back a little while, but Debbie asked me to call you to tell you that she's expecting you to the family dinner tomorrow. You took off shortly after Justin and she didn't have time to tell you. You know the place and the time…_' There was a pause with the sound of the phone being passed. _'Dad, it's me,'_ Brian rolled his eyes, "As if there is anyone else calling me Dad…"

'_Please come tomorrow, it's another chance…'_ there was a brief pause and Brian frowned. _'I mean it's another chance we will have to spend some time together… We'll be waiting for you…'_

Brian deleted the message and listened to the second one. _'Dad, it's still me, Gus… I couldn't talk with Mom here, just know that I meant that Justin will be there too. Mom called him before calling you and he just confirmed. So I guess I'll see you tomorrow… bye Dad!'_

Brian actually smiled at his son's message. "That little shit is playing matchmaker," he said laughing. He walked up to his bedroom starting to get undressed so he could take a shower. "I guess I should probably thank him," he whispered.

He walked inside the bathroom and started the shower adjusting the temperature of the water. When he stepped under the shower jet, he closed his eyes remembering the sensation of having Justin back in his arms.

He sighed. He had felt Justin pulling away and he didn't mean physically, but emotionally. He had seen the walls going back up in his eyes and he had seen them turning ice-blue. He had hated himself in that moment. For having hurt the man he loved so badly, that he felt the need to put distance between them, to run away from him…

He had watched him disappear down the street, and had debated whether he should follow him or not. In the end, he had decided that if Justin had felt the need to put some space between them, then it would be better to let him go.

But Brian had felt scared too. From the way his body had reacted to having the blond back where he belonged. He had felt such a need, and not physical but emotional, towards Justin, that he had almost feared the mere idea of taking him back. Still, he knew that whether he admitted it or not, he needed to have him back in his life. He just hoped that Justin would give him the chance to prove to him that this time it would be different. That _he_ was different and that he was ready to make promises, take risks and chances, and to do anything he could, to make what they have work.

Bracing himself for what he knew was going to wait for him on the other side of the door, Justin took a deep breath and briefly closed his eyes. "Here we go," he whispered and reached out his hand knocking on the door.

He soon found himself looking at the woman with bright-red hair from Gus' birthday.

"Good Evening, ma'am."

Debbie laughed shaking her head and rushing Justin inside. "How well mannered! But you can call me Debbie. I'm Debbie for just about everyone. Here, let me take your jacket." Justin took it off and handed it to Deb.

Then he turned around. Smiling nervously, he waved at the faces staring at him. "Hi," he said shyly. Even if he had met all of them before, Justin couldn't help but feel at discomfort standing in that little kitchen with all that people staring at him.

The first from the gang to recover was Emmett, who stood up and hugged Justin. "Welcome to the crazy family, Baby."

Justin smiled at him. He was about to thank him, when the door flung open and Brian rushed inside. "It's fucking freezing out there," he said shrugging off his coat.

Debbie scowled at him. "Why are you always late?"

Brian just shrugged and his eyes immediately found Justin's. They stared at each other for several minutes and were totally oblivious to the stares that were following the whole exchange curiously.

Finally, Brian smiled at Justin. "Hey," he whispered and the blond nodded at him giving him a small smile in response. '_I feel so stupid,_' thought Justin turning around and walking over to the two vacant chairs at the table.

He looked at Gus who was smirking, the same smirk as his father, and silently asked if it was his doing.

The boy shrugged and Justin had his answer.

"C'mon it's time to eat," said Debbie and Brian and Justin took their places.

Both men tried their best to act as if everything was ok, as if they were strangers, but every time their knees would touch, they had to fight the urge to stand up and run. '_It's so fucking awkward. It's like those two years never happened… maybe I shouldn't have told him the truth,_' Brian thought.

"So Justin, Linz told us that you are from New York," Vic said trying to start a conversation.

The blond shook his head. "No I'm from here. I went to New York seven years ago to study art."

"Oh," Emmett looked between the two men surprised. "It's about the same time Brian went there."

Both Brian and Justin laughed nervously. "What a coincidence," said the first one.

"Yes definitely," whispered Emmett. He carefully studied the two men, sensing the nervousness going on between them and a strange idea started to form in his mind. '_It can't be…_'

"And why did you leave the City?" asked Michael.

Justin shrugged. "It… it wasn't the right place to be anymore… I had finished my studies and I wanted to travel…" he stammered nervously and more than one curious glance was throw in his direction.

"That's all?" Brian surprised even himself with the question.

Justin frowned looking down in his plate for a couple of seconds. Then he looked up, meeting the searching gaze of the older man. "It was making me depressed staying there."

Again, they held each other's gaze until Michael's huff broke their moment. "I bet that it would be depressing being in a city that big alone. I don't get how Brian managed… he even looked happy at the beginning." He looked at his best friend smiling. "Remember? You never wanted to come visit. You kept saying something about finally being in the right place…"

"Yeah… yeah I remember," Brian whispered weakly.

Justin looked at Brian and fought the need to kiss him. In some ways, it felt like Brian had talked to his best friend about their time together… even if not explicitly.

For the rest of the dinner, both men tried their best to keep up with conversation, but their answers were almost all short and forced, giving no space to further questions.

When it was finally time for dessert, Justin excused himself and went out into the back yard to smoke.

He was looking up at the starry sky, thinking that he had missed being able to look at the stars while in New York, when he felt a jacket being gently laid on his shoulders.

"I was thinking," was quietly whispered in his ear, "that you haven't really changed much."

Justin caressed the soft material of the jacket, taking a deep breath of that familiar scent of leather and tobacco. He knew that closing his eyes in that moment, he would have been able to pretend that they were back in their loft… being happy… "You think so?" he asked in nothing more than a whisper.

"Yeah," unsure if it was alright to do it, Brian tentatively sneaked his arms around the artist's waist and pulled him against his chest. He leaned his chin on his shoulder and closed his eyes, he too, taking in a familiar scent from the past. He smiled a little. "You still use that shitty shampoo of mulberries."

Justin laughed quietly. "You used to love it."

They stayed in silence for a long time, forgetting that they were standing in Debbie's backyard, that they were probably five years too late, that they were supposed to act like strangers, that they were scared shitless of the other…

"Brian," Justin's quiet whisper broke into the brunette's thoughts, making him open his eyes.

"Yeah?"

"What are we doing?"

Brian hid his face in Justin's shoulder and sighed. "Damned if I know."

"I don't like you right now," the artist quietly said. "Because I don't trust you and I've always trusted you."

"I know," came the murmured reply. "I just know that I… I've missed you… for a long time…"

"Wish you could have found another way to save me from what you thought was wrong for me."

"I'm beginning to think… no scratch that, _I know_ that I was wrong."

Justin sighed deeply. "Am I a bad person?"

"What?" Brian took a step back, releasing the blond from his arms and turning him around to face him. "Why do you ask me that?"

"I don't know… I… even if now I know why you did what you did, I can't forgive you…"

The brunet saw tears filling the clear blue eyes and looked away. _'I'm such a fucking coward…'_

"And I should… because you had good intentions and…"

"The way to hell is paved with good intensions," Brian replied bitterly. "I was an asshole. I know that… I didn't tell you the truth because I wanted to be forgiven…" Justin arched and eyebrow and Brian smirked. "Ok, maybe that was part of the reason why but not the most important one…"

"Then why…"

Again, he diverted his gaze before answering. "Because you were infinitely more than what I deserved, but for some strange reason, you were mine…" He smiled sadly. "And what I told you that night hurt you in ways that nothing else could… I knew that and I did it nonetheless and I wanted you to know that what happened between us, what _we had_ what _we were_ wasn't important just to you and telling the truth, was the only way to prove it to you… I owed you that much…"

Justin spent a long time just looking at Brian's face studying every one of his features, searching his eyes and the fact that Brian let him, spoke volumes to him. Finally, he smirked. "You had this speech all figured out in your head, didn't you?"

Brian smirked back at him. "Just for the last five years…"

"I… I just wish you would have stopped pushing me away all the time… right from the start, I had to come after you… remember what you told me after our first time?"

The older man grimaced. "That you were a pretty face with a great ass and that for at least five minutes, you had held my interest."

"And you were bullshitting me," Justin said. "I knew it, that's why I kept coming back. '_Hey, I forgot my pencil the other night while you were fucking the shit out of me_' and you were stupid enough to believe me every time and it was then that I knew that you were a… a bullshitting-type of person… that you needed someone who would be able to see through all your stupid, pathetic excuses and keep you on your toes..."

"That's definitely your description," Brian said putting his hands in the back-pockets of his Armani jeans and staring at the blond in front of him. He was again that passionate twenty-years old boy, who would call him on his bullshit, who wouldn't let him get away with anything… who would stand up for himself no matter what…

"But that night I didn't know you were just being yourself. I thought that we were past that and then I heard you say those things and I believed them…"

"Yeah they should have given me an Oscar for that performance…"

"Would you cut it out," Justin said sternly, taking a step forwards. Brian didn't back down and kept on holding the furious gaze of the blond. "I'm being serious… and… God I'm so frustrated right now."

"Yeah I can see that," he mumbled.

Justin ignored him. "I've spent the last five fucking years trying to pretend that you never existed…"

'_Ouch_' Brian felt like someone had physically hit him.

"And then you show up and I'm back at feel all… all this shit…" he waved his hands up in the air and then sunk them into his hair, shaking his head forcefully. "I hate all this… I hate _you_ and…"

"What?"

Justin sighed, willing himself to calm down and looking back up in the hazel eyes that were looking at him like they had five years earlier. "And I hate what you still make me feel," he said in a quiet whisper. "That I don't care that your friends are spying on us from behind Deb's curtains, that Gus is forcing us together with all his might, that you've been back in my life just for a couple of weeks and I'm already head over heels in love with you... again… and finally," he took a deep breath taking another step closer to Brian. "I hate that I couldn't tell you what a motherfucking piece of shit you were for not telling me. For shutting me out. For thinking that you could handle the cancer on your own. And most of all for thinking that I would have left. Why would you think that? Because you would have stood in my way? Because you were no longer perfect? Well believe me, Mr. Kinney, that was the least of your imperfections. And if I wanted to leave you, I've had better reasons, plenty of them."

"And maybe you should have taken them," Brian quietly whispered.

"You're such an asshole," Justin said smirking. "But it looks like I can see through your bullshit once again."

"Good, because I love you and I want you back."


	9. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8 **

Justin looked at Brian bewildered, opened and closed his mouth a couple of times before shaking his head saying, "What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"Just what I said," was Brian's answer followed by a shrug.

"Do you think that just because you said that, I'm going to want to get back together?" The brunet shrugged again and the artist frowned trying to talk himself out of punching the man square in the face. "Did you hear me saying that I hate you?"

Smiling, Brian nodded. "Yeah, but I heard you saying that you love me too."

"Yeah well, that was just a slip."

The Ad man smirked. "I've noticed that."

Justin covered his face with his hands and sighed heavily. "Love it's not enough sometimes."

Brian snorted. "I never thought that the day would come when you'd say something like that."

"Yeah well, I never thought that I would hear you say _'I love you'_, either…" Justin shrugged.

"Guess people do change after all."

"True."

They let several seconds going by in silence, until finally, Justin spoke again. "You can't have me back now. I won't come back now just because you finally said the words for the first time in seven years."

"It wasn't the first time," a small smile curved Brian's lips. "I told you twice before." And despite himself, the blond found himself smiling as well.

_**New York City – December 2002**___

"_I can't believe you took me as your date," Justin said while he and Brian climbed the stairs to the brunet's loft._

_Brian laughed. "I won't ever let you go…" he sang, reaching out and grabbing Justin making him spin around before pushing him up against the wall. _

"_You're wasted," the blond said with a smile._

"_I love you oh soooooo much…" it was __said more than sung, and it was barely a whisper, it was shortly after, followed by his hand, sweetly caressing Justin's face. _

"_Oh shut up," Justin said laughing softly._

_Brian held his gaze for a long time before smiling gently and __nearing his lips to his lover's, pausing for a second before closing the gap between them._

_**Pittsburgh – Present Days…**_

"You were high as a kite."

"True, that's what gave me the courage to finally say it."

"And the other time it was because I was walking away…"

"I was always honest," Brian replied weakly cutting him off.

Slowly, Justin took the steps that were dividing them and looked up into Brian's serious eyes. "I need time. I'm serious. Why should I believe that you won't just take off again as soon as something is wrong?"

The brunet sighed. "Guess you're right."

Justin nodded letting silence stretch between them before saying, "I'm going to go now…"

Brian looked into those clear blue eyes for a moment before stepping aside to let him go. "'Kay, later."

Justin stayed still as if waiting for the courage to walk away and out of fear of never getting a second chance, to leave him so he could take those steps that divided him from Deb's backdoor without feeling like he was suffocating.

He was in part scared that walking away in that moment meant never getting another chance to have Brian opening up to him, but he also knew that he needed to see if Brian would come back to him, if he trusted what they once had, and that was obviously still there, to give them the hope they needed to start all over.

Finally, he tried to offer the other man a small smile before starting to head towards the door.

Brian watched him disappear back into Deb's house still wearing his leather jacket. A smile suddenly appeared on his face when a memory from the past, came back.

_**New York City – April 2002 **_

"_Can I come in?" _

_Brian frowned. "What the hell are you doing here?" _

"_I… I forgot my pencil the other night… I was… I came to see if you found it…"_

_The older man smirked in amusement. Suddenly, the blond at his door didn't appear as an annoying kid anymore. "Really?" _

"_Yeah I… draw…"_

"_I know that," he said stepping aside and waving towards the loft. _

_He briefly asked himself what had changed since they had sex that when they first met he was ready to take the guy home and never let him go and now he didn't want to see him. "Well, Warhol, come inside and look for your pencil."_

_Justin smiled weakly at him and then started going around the spacious loft looking for his lost object._

_Brian closed the metal door and stood with his back laying against it, looking amused at the young blond, staring attentively at his ass, every time he would bend down._

_After several minutes, when he was looking under the sofa's cushions, Justin felt Brian pressing up against him and pretended to be startled, while trying to hide his smirk. _

"_Found your pencil?" the brunet whispered huskily in his ear._

"_Maybe I've lost it somewhere else," the blond answered imitating his tone._

"_Perhaps…"_

_**Pittsburgh – Present Day… **_

It had been a couple of days since their talk in Deb's backyard, and Justin was still trying to understand why he had said so many things. He hadn't planned to be so open, so honest with the older man. He had truly believed that if he tried hard enough, he would have been able to act completely unaffected but it didn't work out.

While he was laying on his bed, looking at Brian's jacket on the chair across from him, he thought back at a conversation he had with Daphne when it had been a year since they had become a couple.

Daph had asked him why he put up with all of Brian's bullshit, his up and downs and continually being hot and cold, and his only answer had been a shrug and a murmured _'He's the love of my life. I will always put up with his bullshit.'_

Thinking about that time, he asked himself not for the first time if maybe he should have stayed in New York. If maybe when Brian had told him '_I love you'_ he should have stayed… if maybe he should have seen somehow, that something was wrong with his partner.

He was jolted out of his thoughts when he heard a loud knock. Sam meowed in protest when in standing up he made the cat slid down from his lap.

Justin walked over to the door and opened it.

"Can I come in?" smirk in place, Brian looked straight into the blonds' eyes.

"What the hell are you doing here?"

"I forgot my jacket the other night…" and his smirk quickly changed into a shy smile. An expression that Justin had rarely seen upon his face.

He sighed shaking his head. "Brian…" the way the artist said his name, made Brian think of a parent scolding his son.

"What?" he asked in an innocent tone. "It's the truth."

Justin stepped aside, let Brian come in and then closed the door. "Wait here, I'm going to go grab your jacket," he said walking over to his bedroom.

Once in his room, the blond looked for several seconds at the leather jacket laid on the chair near the bed. He picked it up and squeezed it in his hands, taking then a deep breath of that smell.

"I'm so pathetic…" he whispered sighing.

"No, you're not."

Startled, Justin turned around finding Brian standing in the door frame and staring at him.

"I…" he trailed off feeling himself starting to blush. "It's just that… that it's so, I don't know, familiar… so you and I…"

"Miss it?"

Barely nodding, Justin looked away.

"In case you don't remember, I've done the same thing the other night while I was hugging you." Brian saw a small smile creeping on the blonds' face and felt himself starting to smile as well.

Then, Justin folded the jacket, walked over to the older man and handed it to him. Their hands brushed together for an instant and Justin took a couple of steps back. "I hate that I can't control myself around you," he whispered quietly.

"I'm glad about that," the brunet whispered back. "I just wanted to tell you, that once you had to come after me and now it's my turn."

Despite himself, Justin smirked. "I remember that you used to tell me to never chase after anyone."

"True," he said shrugging. "But this is worth it, you are worth it."

They looked into each other eyes for several moments and finally, Justin smiled softly, slightly shaking his head.

"Do you think that I would be crossing some line asking you if you'd like to come with me, say this Saturday, to try out a new restaurant?"

"Maybe," Justin replied, truly amazed that Brian was really going through with his plan. Somehow, knowing that this time around it was the older man deciding that they were worth a try, made him feel strangely happy.

Also, he had decided in the last minutes that it had clearly been the fate throwing them together once again. Because otherwise, what were the odds that Justin would hire Lindsay as his manager out of everybody in the whole city and end up giving art lessons to Brian's son right when the older man had decided to go back home?

"Ok…" the older man started disheartened.

"But perhaps, it would be ok to cross that line together."

* * *

Brian opened his fortune cookie and unrolled the tiny piece of paper while Justin did the same. "What does yours say?" he asked smiling.

They had spent the whole evening talking about nothing serious. It seemed like they were still trying to understand how to proceed and Justin was glad because before Brian arrived at his apartment, the blond had been nervous as hell.

"Ah no, you go first. I know you. I'd read mine seriously and you would make up all those stories..."

The brunet arched an eyebrow putting down his note. "Do you really expect me to make you an indecent proposition in the middle of a little Chinese restaurant?"

"Do I have to answer that?"

Brian laughed and handed his fortune to Justin. The blond read it out loud, "_Follow your heart and you will achieve your intention_, this is seriously the worst I've ever read." He put it in his plate and handed his to Brian who raised an eyebrow.

"_You will find true happiness being yourself_,** this** is the worst you've ever read. It looks torn out of a fucking teen magazine."

Justin looked at him smirking and crossed his arms over his chest. "And you'd know how a teen magazine article looks like, how?"

"I'm an Ad Man," he said diverting his gaze. "I know everything."

This time it was Justin's turn to laugh. He couldn't remember another time when he had felt so good while out with someone. It almost didn't matter that neither one of them seemed willing to face a conversation about their past.

They had talked about everything out of what really mattered and it wasn't because Brian was avoiding doing it, but because they were both dancing around each other.

But Justin also knew that they couldn't go on like that. It was time to take hold of the conversation. He could almost hear Daphne's voice telling him '_Be a man! You've been depressed for years for this guy and now you don't have the guts to actually talk to him? Show some balls!_'

He cleared his throat and Brian thought to himself '_here we go_.'

"So," the blond started out nervously. "Brian..." he trailed off and Brian struggled to remember when the last time was that he had seen Justin nervous to talk him.

"Yep, what is it?"

"I... I've wanted to ask you something."

The brunet took a sip from his beer before answering him. "Aren't we here to catch up? Ask away."

"Why did you open your agency here?" It was one question he was dying to know the answer to. "I mean, every time you talked about having your own company, you imagined it on Madison Av New York and not Liberty Av Pittsburgh. What made you change your mind?"

Brian shrugged. "Gus," it was his simple answer. Justin lowered his gaze nodding. Suddenly, the bread looked very interesting.

"I always thought you were a great dad," he muttered quietly.

Brian gave a little humorless laugh. "Me? Ask Gus how much time I've spent with him in the last years."

"That's beside the point, Brian," Justin looked up into the man's hazel eyes. "Now you're here spending entire days with him and that's what matters."

After a long pause, Brian finally said, "The real reason I'm here it's because New York was too much for me. Opening my agency there started looking like a nightmare."

Justin frowned. "I don't think I get it."

"Remember when I told you about opening Kinnetik there? When you chose that name for it?"

The blond nodded. "'Course."

They both knew that they couldn't keep on twisting the truth or telling just half of it, so Brian thought '_fuck it! It's time to be a man._'

"Well, how was I supposed to do all that without you being there? One moment you were part of the project, building it with me and then you were gone. At first I thought that I was just gonna use another name for the agency. Then I started looking for an Art Director and it all felt good but not great. So I changed City because apparently New York wasn't big enough to forget you."

"But I didn't just disappear, Brian. I stayed in New York long after you left. Waiting for..." he trailed off. "I'm sure Cynthia told you about that."

"I was away two years, Jus. The cancer came back just after a little while and I had to have a transplant. It was all so different after that and when I got back to New York it was just too late."

Justin sat there, just staring at Brian speechless. He gulped and lowered his gaze. "It came back and..."

"I told you that I'm ok now. I just... I waited too long for everything and in the end I couldn't just pick up where I left off. Pretending that the fact that I pushed you away was not important, that I wasn't thinking about you every time the thought of opening up my own company came up in my mind." Brian took a deep breath and sighed before going on. "When I got back to work I wasn't able to fit in anymore so Cynthia and I started looking around for a place good enough to open up our agency. She's my partner now sort of," he trailed off for a second.

The blond frowned. "What are you not telling me?"

"It doesn't matter right now, what matters is that I needed to take the reins of my life back in my hands and in order to do that I needed a change. I waited for my contract with the agency in New York to end and then I packed up Cynthia and left to come back here."

"You haven't been back long."

"No," Brian smirked, "It took us a lot longer than we originally planned."

"But in the end you did it," Justin looked at Brian smiling. "You have your company so you got..."

"I still miss an Art Director."

"What?"

Brian cleared his throat and lowered his gaze. "I guess you could say that I'm crazy to open up an Advertising company without an Art Director which is like the most important person I need for the business, but I couldn't find anyone good enough."

"So how in the hell are you going on?"

"Freelances," Brian shrugged and waved towards the waiter who came over to their table. "I'd like to have the check."

"Certainly Sir," he politely replied before walking away.

Justin was still staring at Brian as if he had suddenly grown a second head. "What do you mean freelances?"

"We'll be using a graphic company until we find what we're looking for. Obviously Cynthia and I already have someone in mind," the brunet arched and eyebrow and the artist rolled his eyes.

"I'm not coming to work for you."

"Never say never," he smirked and any further word was interrupted by the waiter. Justin insisted on paying since, like he said, thanks to Brian's disappearing act he now owned all the money he could ever need.

They took their coats and walked out. "About that, if you don't want to come working for me, you could buy your share of the company," Brian said out of the blue as if he was talking about renting a movie instead of going to the cinema.

"Are you serious?" Justin stopped walking and searched Brian's eyes in the semi-darkness of the street.

"Deadly." The brunet put his hands in the pockets of his expensive coat and started walking again. Justin didn't wait too long before following.

"I'd have to buy Cynthia's shares or yours or..."

"How about yours?"

"Could you stop dropping bombs on me for a second? I'm starting to feel stupid keep saying '_Oh my god what?_', you know?"

Brian laughed out loud at that. "Look, I didn't ask you out so I could talk you into working together."

"I hope not," Justin replied with a little smile. "But seriously, what did you mean?"

"I may have..." the brunet trail off and shrugged. "I may have put some shares in your name."

"Brian that can't... how many shares?"

"About 40%?"

And Justin couldn't stop himself from saying, "What?"

"Cynthia has 20% and me and you 40% each. She practically pushed me to do it because she seems to understand better than me what the right thing is to do most of the time. You could pay me back your shares if you'd like."

"I... I can't believe you did this. I mean, we could have never seen each other again and..."

"I was sure that sooner or later or at least _hoped_, that sooner or later we would cross paths again. But I pictured it slightly differently." Brian smiled and sat down on one of the benches of the park where he didn't even realized they had walked to. "You would have been with kids all over the place, a devoted husband and..."

Justin smiled sadly. "I tried to date some guys after I came back here but it was awful. I was still so not over you, that I kept telling them about you," he laughed. "You really thought that I'd marry someone?"

"It was what you always wanted," Brian answered shrugging.

"Yeah well, not with just anyone." He was almost hurt that Brian thought that he could just go and marry someone like the way he had loved the older man didn't mean anything. He shook his head, "The only time I really found someone I was interested in, we started talking so much that at the end of the date we were friends. He still is my best friend, at least my best male friend. You should definitely meet him," he added with a laugh.

"Oh I'm sure that after what he has heard about me, he'd be thrilled to see me."

"You don't have to be afraid of him. Worry about Daphne."

They laughed together. Brian thought about all the times they used to spend together, he, Justin and Daphne. It felt like another lifetime.

After several minutes of silence Justin looked up towards the older man. "Brian?"

"Yep?" he answered staring up at the stars.

"Not matter what, I'm happy that we met again." And he discovered that up until then, he hadn't been sure about that because having Brian back had thrown him off and he hated being thrown off. But now he realized that that hole he had felt inside for all those years that he had been away from Brian, was starting to fill up a little bit. "I missed you, even if I didn't want to admit it."

Brian looked down into Justin's deep blue eyes and smiled. "I think I can easily say that you're the only reason I'm glad to be back here."

"And Gus," the blond corrected with a smile.

"And Gus. You two together are definitely something else."

"That's right, Kinney, we're amazing!" Justin put his hands in the pocket of his coat and got up. "So, what do you say we take a cup of coffee back at my place? I promise to keep Sam off your designed jeans."

Brian rolled his lips in his mouth and got up. "I think that could be arranged."

The blond looked down for a moment finding the white points of his converse of great interest. He bit down on his lower lip and Brian had to stop himself from taking the smaller man in his arms and kiss him with all he was worth.

"And about those shares, I... I'd like to think about it because I don't want to paint anymore and..."

Brian frowned. "Justin, what the hell are you talking about?"

"I'm serious. I don't have inspiration anymore and it's not like any other time when I'd say this and then change my mind. I want to do something different and working with you will mean doing something different but something that I'd still love doing and that was once a project for the future."

Brian reached out and lifted Justin's head putting his finger under the younger man's chin. "You can have all the time you need to think about it but don't throw your art away yet. Deal?"Justin smiled and nodded, desperately trying to not pay attention to what having Brian touching him even in the slightest way was doing to his mind, heart and body. "Deal.


	10. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9 **

Justin turned around and fixed his eyes on the ceiling sighing. It had been a week since he had last seen Brian, but the man had never been far from his thoughts.

Sam meowed and Justin reached out and started to lazily rub behind its ears. 

* * *

"So you don't know what to do?"

Scott exhaled the smoke and waved the hand with which he was holding his cigarette before taking a sip from his coffee.

"Yes. I mean, it shouldn't matter that I'm in love with him, right? There are more important things, like he could have called, written, sent a carrier pigeon, made a smoke-signal, dumped a bottle with a message in the ocean, or sent a fucking card." He stopped and took a drag from his cigarette. "I'm right, aren't I?" he exhaled and saw Scott arching an eyebrow.

"Gosh he has the power to completely throw you off," he stated before finishing his coffee and taking Justin's sandwich.

"What I mean is that he chose not to do anything." He snorted and shoved his hands in his hair frustrate before looking up at Scott. "He says he never forgot me, that he always loved me and that he's sorry and of course while I was in his arms or near him, I could convince myself that he was telling the truth, but…" he diverted his gaze staring at the street out of the coffee shop. "He should have tried to do something, right? If I hadn't come here, if Gus…"

"But you did and you can't torture yourself thinking about what ifs, Jay. Besides, you shouldn't have this conversation with me but with Brian. Why don't you go ask him?"

Justin nodded. "You're right, I should."

"Yep," Scott finished eating his sandwich while the artist opened his laptop to go through his e-mails.

"Maybe he was just scared," he added out of the blue making Scott roll his eyes and snort. "Perhaps he thought I had moved on, that I couldn't forgive him or that too much time has passed." He sighed again and felt like lately that was all he did. "I have to go talk to him."

"Wise choice, Jay."

* * *

Justin was sitting in his car outside Brian's building staring at the door. He had subtly called Gus and asked for the man's address, but didn't really want to think about how childish it all was. He sighed again and was startled when someone knocked on the window of the passenger side of his car.

He turned around and found himself looking at Michael. The artist waved nervously before pulling down the window. "Hey Michael, what's up?"

"Are you waiting for Brian?"

"I…"

"I just came to see if he wanted to come to Babylon, maybe you could join us."

Justin shook his head thinking quickly of an excuse to use. "Since he's the one taking Gus over to my place for his lessons, I wanted to discuss some arrangements with him; you know find the days when he's least busy so he can take Gus over and…"

"You don't have his number?" Michael cut him off frowning.

"No, no, Gus just told him where Brian lives."

"Ok, I guess you could come up with me and…"

"Maybe I should go. I mean, if you two have plans and…"

Michael shook his head smiling, "Nothing is as important as Gus."

He didn't leave time to Justin to answer before crossing the street and opening the door to Brian's building waving to the blond over.

Justin sighed, rolled up the window and killed the engine before stepping out of the car and walking over to Michael.

While they were going up to the top floor, Justin was trying to find something to say but luckily, Michael seemed happy to just stay in silence and soon enough they were entering Brian's loft.

"Brian?", Mikey called and after a few moments, Brian was standing at the top of the steps that lead to the bedroom.

Justin was looking around himself, taking in the spacious living room and the kitchen island and above all, the big windows by which he imagined himself painting.

"Justin?" Brian's surprised tone pulled him out of his thoughts and focused his attention back on the man. "What are you doing here?"

"He has something to discuss with you about Gus, I'm just going to the bathroom for a moment," Michael said before starting in the other man's direction, giving him a little grin and clapping his shoulder in the process.

"You didn't call and," started Justin but was cut off by the older man.

"I thought it was up to you to call, after all, you're the one calling the shots," he said walking into the living room.

The blond seemed only in that moment to notice the light jeans and the black shirt Brian was wearing and the fact that he was barefoot and had wet hair. "You were taking a shower," he stated.

"Yeah didn't expect any visits and Mikey has a key so I don't have to be presentable to let him in."

Justin nodded and took a couple of steps closer to the Ad man. "I like this place it's very similar to the loft you had in New York."

Brian smiled, "This is smaller but I like it, especially the bedroom."

"I imagine," the blond said smirking.

"So," the older man went to sit down on one of the barstool at the countertop of the kitchen island and crossed his arms over it. "What are you doing here?"

"As I said, you didn't call me and I didn't have your number so…"

"You phoned Gus and asked him for my address?"

Justin nodded, "you're not in the phone book yet."

Brian rolled his lips into his mouth and nodded. "Michael is probably going to be in there for a while, you know, he's sure that using my creams will make him look hotter or something," he smiled fondly and Justin couldn't help but feel sad about always being a part of Brian's life kept away from his friends. "So you can say whatever you like."

"I need some answers Brian," he answered cutting right to the chase.

"I thought I gave them to you."

"Yes but more than words, I need to see that you're different," he took another step closer and lowered his voice. "I realized that I still don't trust you."

"This is why you waited a week?"

"I had to think things over."

"And you did?"

"Yes," Justin held Brian's gaze for several moments before sighing and shoving his hands in his hair like he always did when nervous. "Why didn't you try to contact me once you were ok?"

"Because I didn't think it mattered anymore, you know that I have never believed in the happily ever after crap, or how, no matter what, if you love someone hard enough then you're going to be with them for all of your life, Jus, you know that." Brian shook his head and stood up walking closer to the blond. "I knew I was happy with you, but once I decided I was going to let you go, I didn't plan on ever coming back, on ever looking for you, what right did I have? If you were with someone else and I showed up then…"

"You were supposed to know me, Brian," Justin said exasperated, "You knew that I didn't take love easily, that once I loved someone I couldn't just stop; so how in the hell could you think I had replaced you?"

"Justin, it took me years to get better, how was I supposed to know anything? You could have changed, decided that I wasn't worth it and…"

"Brian," Justin got closer, and closed his hands into tight fists to stop himself from hitting the older man. "Do you mean that if it wasn't for some stupid coincidences you would have just kept on going and that was that? You wouldn't have come looking for me to tell me what had happened?"

Justin looked straight into Brian's eyes and held his gaze forcing him to speak nothing but the truth. Finally, the older man sighed and said, "no."

The blond artist laughed humorlessly, "then what's different from the past? You're saying that you're different, that you want another chance but how can you mean it when you wouldn't have taken risks for this?"

"Justin…"

"What? Justin what?" The young man felt once again the anger surface inside him. "You know, when you said those things that night," he paused for a second before taking a breath and go on. "You hurt me because you never actually told me that you loved me but you never said that you didn't either. Without meaning it at least. And then, we were out, with our friends, and you hurt me on purpose because they fucking told you something that freaked you out. When you told me that you loved me, that night, it felt like the worst thing that you could have said. It didn't't feel right because you taught me that actions speak louder, and your actions said the opposite of love."

Brian looked down unable to keep contact with Justin's eyes. The artist waited for a few seconds before starting to talk once again.

"And I knew that you were sorry. I knew it two seconds after you said those things because no matter how hard you tried, when you turned around and looked at me, I saw hurt and regret and I got angry because you were fucking doing something that you didn't't want to, out of fear. I hated you but it only lasted for a couple of days and after that I waited and waited for you to come around, but obviously you didn't. You know, just once, you should have trusted me to do the right thing and if you really want to do everything again, to be with me again, then things have to change Brian and I mean it.

I got that you didn't trust me mostly because of your childhood. I didn't't have a family either, remember? My mom was never there for me and my dad was an asshole too busy fucking around to care about me or my mother except when he beat me. I told you everything about it on our fifth date when you were drunk out of your mind and I was high as a kite and this makes everything ten times worst because I know that you know that I understand you, but you still chose to shut me out.

Having a shit childhood isn't as unique as you think it is and you know, there are people that didn't't have the love they needed while growing up and while there's a part of them that resent the mere idea of love, there's also a part that seeks it for as long as they live and I'm one of those. It's why I still hope that one day my father will come around and say that he's sorry and it's the reason why I still love you after seven years."

Justin finally stopped talking and put his hands on his hips taking a deep breath. He knew that Brian wasn't going to answer him right away, after all, he knew how the other man worked. So he took a step backwards and said, "I'm going to go now and leave you to think things over like I did because this time, if we start again, then we have to be sure of what we're doing and ready to be serious about it, ok? Because we're adults now and we should behave like it."

Brian nodded and while he was desperately trying to come up with something to say, he knew that he needed time to process everything Justin had said and find a way to show to the younger man how serious he was this time.

"I will call you."

"Come over," Justin said smiling softly. "It's better that way so I won't be able to hang up on you, you know?"

Brian grinned, "Of course." He watched the blond man walking out of the loft and then spent a few minutes just sitting there staring out into space until he felt a hand on his shoulder and remembered that Michael was in the bathroom.

"Guess you heard everything?"

"You may want to reconsider the not-having-walls-in-the-bedroom thing," Mikey said before sitting down next to Brian. "So he's your ex? Never met one before."

"Never had one before," Brian replied smiling. "Just don't go telling everyone about it, ok?"

"Hey, sometimes I may be dense, but I do understand, you know? And I'm sure if I told anyone about it, they would be on your back before you actually had a chance to figure things out." He sighed and turned to face Brian, "Just why the hell didn't you tell me anything?"

"Because it was back when you still wanted to marry me and have my babies," Brian replied smirking feeling more like himself again. "And because I didn't want you to scare him away."

"Just imagine if you had met him here, bet mom would have loved him and so would the girls."

"Yeah he's cute and kind and all the things lesbians seem to love," Brian said rolling his eyes.

"Don't act so un-affected because now I can say that I know the truth."

"Oh and pray tell, what's that?"

Michael's smile softened and so did his eyes. "That Brian Kinney has a soft spot for a blond kid that knows how to put him in his place without blinking. I think I may actually like him."

Brian laughed. "Let's go to Babylon, alright? I need time to think."

"And what's better than naked men and loud music to think about relationships?" Michael replied sarcastically. "But don't think I'll let this pass so easily. You have the ride over to the club to tell me everything especially what he meant by 'when you were ok'."

"See, it's times like this that I can see the resemblance to your mother," Brian said before walking into the bedroom to change.

Michael stayed behind watching him go, and for a moment, it looked to him like he could see the Brian of so many years ago; the one who was actually happy. The difference now, was that he actually knew what had caused that happiness. 


	11. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

_Desperate for changing, starving for truth  
__I'm closer to where I started, I'm chasing after you.  
__I'm falling even more in love with you, letting go of all I've held onto.  
__I'm standing here until you make me move, I'm hanging by a moment here with you  
__Forgetting all I'm lacking, completely incomplete.  
__I'll take your invitation, you take all of me._

**Lifehouse - Falling Even More in Love With You**

Despite having to tell his best friend that he had cancer and that he had hidden it from his family, Brian was able to use the time they spent at Babylon, to think about everything he wanted.

Justin had told him that this time, if they started seeing each other again, it had to be different and the Ad Ex. knew that by that, the blond meant that this time, living together, wasn't going to be enough.

Justin wanted to be sure behind a shadow of doubt, that Brian was going to trust him with everything, and that meant telling his family the whole truth about New York, the cancer and the blond.

For a moment, he wished Deb already knew about it so he could ask her for an advice, but he had to do everything on his own and this time, his usual attitude devil-may-care, was going to be a big help; he knew that no matter what his family would say, he was going to date Justin and make him his man.

With that in mind, Brian walked inside Deb's house for the weakly family dinner, ready to spill every little detail about those two years of his life that had been full of happiness.

He was greeted by Mikey that patted him on the shoulder with a little smile on his face, and Ben, who simply nodded at him; Brian rolled his eyes seeing that after all Michael hadn't been able to keep quiet about the whole Justin story.

He waited for everyone to show up and even tried to be nice with Melanie before deciding that he was starting to creep everyone out with his behavior; Debbie kept shooting him worried glances hidden behind one of her wide smiles and Melanie was actually looking at him as if he had suddenly grown another head.

Gus, from the other side of the table, was looking at his father almost knowingly, as if he knew that his dad's nervousness could only mean that the truth was finally going to come out and he could have his Justin back.

At the end of the dinner, after the dessert was served and the coffee passed around, Brian cleared his throat nervously and looked between Lindsay and Debbie. Finally, looking the elder woman right in the eyes, he said, "I had cancer."

The silence engulfed the whole room and every pair of eyes was fixed on the man who had just spoken.

"I'm not saying this because I want your pity and I'm not saying this because I want any of you to worry about me," Brian started again. Michael and Ben looked between each other and decided to keep quite. "I'm only saying this because it's the reason why I don't have someone here with me that is special for me." He stared down at the carpet not wanting to meet the pitiful gazes of his friends. He knew that talking about his feelings wasn't something that he'd normally do and his family knew it too, so they had the good mind not to interfere with his speech.

The only person he dared to look at once he had raise his gaze from the floor, was Gus; he gave his son an apologetic look. "No one of you knew about the cancer, and up until yesterday, not even Michael did and if I had it my way, I would never have told any of you about it but..." when Debbie opened her mouth as if she wanted to say something, Brian held up his hand. "I don't want to talk about any of this, I'm just going to say it and that's that."

"You can't expect us not to ask questions and..."

Brian glared at Melanie. "You can ask all the questions you want, but I'm not going to answer."

"Then why are you telling us now?" Lindsay asked, tentatively. "Are you sick again?"

"No. I'm telling you now because in order to talk to you about Justin, you need to know about the cancer because it's the only reason why I broke up with him."

"Justin?" Emmett asked, confused.

"Justin was Dad's boyfriend when he was living in New York before he started acting like a shit." Gus put a hand in front of his mouth and looked towards his mother. "Sorry, Mom."

"You made our son lie to us?" Melanie asked, jumping on her feet.

"I didn't want any of you to know about him." Brian got up as well and looked at everyone. "You all live your perfect lives and expect me to be the same old Brian and when I act in a different way, suddenly, I'm not Brian anymore. You want me to be the same exact man that you've known for years. When I met him, it was a different city, I had a different life and I didn't want any of you to tainted that. I don't know if I would have ever told you about us if we didn't break up, but now I have to."

"Why?" Debbie asked, trying to keep her mouth shut about all the rest.

"Because I have to show him that I'm not the same man I was back then. The man that would lie and keep things for him and don't allow him to meet my family. In order to do so, telling you all about our previous relationship, was the first thing to do."

"Justin the artist?" Emmett suddenly asked. Gus nodded eagerly at his uncle with a big smile on his face. "That sweet kid is your... ex?"

"Yes, and he was amazing! We would go to Central Park and play all day and..." Gus trailed off and glanced at his father. "I guess this is not the time. But I have so much to tell you about when I went to stay with him and Dad for the summer."

Lindsay looked between her son and his father and back again. "You didn't think I had to know that Gus was spending time with you and your..." she trailed off, unable to call Justin Brian's boyfriend.

"Yes, I didn't tell you because then you would have wanted to come to New York with Gus and you would have asked questions and..." Brian closed his hands into tight fists out of frustration. "Like I said, I don't want to talk about it. I just wanted to let you know that that man is not just some random artist that is giving Gus art lessons, but it's actually someone really important that with a little luck, will be part of the family soon enough."

"You're going to marry him?" Emmett asked, clapping his hands cheerfully.

It was like, once he had talked about Justin, everyone had forgot about the cancer; Brian was actually relieved even though, if Deb's face was any indication, he had to talk with her about that.

"No," the man said turning his attention to his flamboyant friend. "But he's going to be my partner," because he wasn't going to describe a 26 years old like his boyfriend.

"You made Mikey, Gus and Ben lie about him and Justin lied too," Deb said, finally getting up from her place next to Vic on the sofa.

"Gus lied because he knew that you all didn't know about me and Justin. Mikey wasn't supposed to know about it until today, but he overheard me and Justin talking and then he decided to spill what I told him to his husband," he briefly glared at his best friend. "And Justin didn't tell you because he didn't know that you were my friends and because he always thought that I was ashamed of him and didn't want to tell you about us. Now, I won't answer anymore questions. Now you know about him, that we were together, that I dumped him because I had cancer and I didn't want to be a burden for him and no," he held up his hand towards Lindsay before she could ask a question. "He didn't know I had cancer." Brian sighed and walked over to the door to grab his coat.

"You can't just say something like this and then leave," Theodor spoke for the first time since Brian's speech had started.

"I can and I will." He then looked at Deb and Vic. "We can talk later."

"You bet your ass, asshole." Debbie said, pointing a finger in his direction.

The Ad Ex. nodded and then stepped out of the house.

The cold air hit him straight in the face sobering him up from all the emotions battling inside him. He wanted to do everything that night before he lost courage once again. He walked over to his Corvette and turned it on and speeded off towards Justin's house.

Moving one of the paintings out of his way, Justin walked out of his studio and towards his living room. He glanced at Sam, curled up on the sofa, and smiled before heading to his kitchen to make some coffee.

It was still snowing and it was around eleven in the evening and the blond artist was ready to relax for a while on his couch watching some movie; in the mean time, _Like a Prayer_ was playing softly in the background while he moved around the little kitchen starting making the coffee and deciding if he wanted to cook or order something in.

He had just grabbed a mug from the cabinet on top of the sink when the doorbell rang. He sighed, closing the door of the cupboard and walking over to the door.

"Must be Mr. Anderson asking for some sugar, again," he said to Sam. He thought that considering the time and the fact that everyone he knew in town was away for the week-end, he had to be his neighbor always asking for sugar just as an excuse to have a little chat with someone, so he didn't bother to change out of his sweatpants - covered in paint - and his t-shirt or to put on his shoes.

When he opened the door, he was surprised to see Brian standing on the other side; his long black coat covered in snow.

"Brian?"

"I know, it's late," he said and, without waiting for Justin to invite him in, stepped inside. "But I needed to talk to you right away."

"I needed to talk to you too," the blond said, closing the door behind the other man.

"OK, I go first."

Justin laughed and motioned for him to take a sit on the sofa. "Go ahead, then."

"I told 'em everything; about you and me and the cancer, why it ended and how I want to give us another try."

The artist's eyes widened. "You told your family about us?"

"Yes." Brian nodded. "Gus can't wait to tell them about that summer we spent together and I may have walked out of Deb's house before they could start asking too many questions, but I did it. You wanted a proof that you could trust me and that I've changed and you have it. Now I don't care if they scare you away, or if they scare me away from you, or if they don't like you or if they don't approve or whatever bullshit. I told them and I'm telling you now that I love you and I'm serious and I want you and I'm taking a chance on..."

"Who-ah breath, Brian!" Justin smiled at the other man with a look on his face that Brian could only classify as fond. "You actually told them," he shook his head still unable to believe it. "You told your family about us and..." He locked his blue eyes with Brian's hazel ones. "And you love me."

"And I'm sorry to have kept things away from you."

"I didn't think that my little speech would cause this effect on you. I thought..."

"That I'd let you go."

"Yeah," Justin nodded a little and sighed. "I put you in the corner after all, and practically gave you an ultimatum."

"I put half of my company in your name, you can't honestly think that I'd just let you disappear again."

"About that..." the blond looked up towards the other man. "This is what I wanted to talk to you about. I'm not going to take you upon your offer."

"What?"

"I don't want to paint anymore, I was serious about that, and, at least for now, that's my decision but..." he cleared his throat nervously. "I realized how much I love teaching Gus about art so I decided to apply for a position as Art Teacher at the High School and I start on Monday."

Brian smiled his little smile and shook his head. "Go figure, Sunshine. Someone hands you part of a future multi millionaire company, and you want to be a teacher."

Justin laughed. "Crazy, huh?"

"Just something very much you." He shook his head again. "You've always been a little crazy." The blond nodded. "I'll still leave those shares in your name."

"Brian..."

"Let me do it, please," he added, smiling at the man he loved. "And in return, answer my question..." he trailed off and locked his gaze with Justin's. "Let's try again?"

"You really changed. I see how you are now with Gus and... I still can't believe you told your family..." he shook his head again.

"Is that a yes?"

Justin bit his lower lip before nodding. "One last chance."

"It's all I'm asking."

* * *

A/N: One chapter to go and then the story will be over. I will try to update as soon as possible!


	12. Chapter 11

Justin fidget nervously with the sleeve of his jacket and kept chewing on his bottom lip. He was startled at first when he felt a hand gently resting on his lower back but then he sighed and relaxed into the touch. He looked up towards Brian and found a gentle smile on his face. "I think I'm nervous."

"You don't say," the older man asked sarcastically. "Look, it's just a bunch of loud people. You've already met all of them."

"I know that," Justin said shrugging. "It's not that, it's that now they will all know that I lied to them and that I'm with you and…" he was cut off by soft lips pressing against his. The blond artists relaxed and wound his arms around his partner's neck.

It had been a couple of days since they had talked and decided to start over, and as soon as Brian had told Debbie, the woman had insisted on having a family dinner even though it was the middle of the week.

The door suddenly swung open. "Well, look at that," Debbie's cheerful voice cut through the spell surrounding the two men. They stepped away from each other. "Why don't you come inside instead of playing tonsil-hockey on my porch?" With that, she turned around and walked back inside the house leaving the two to follow.

Brian entwined his hand with Justin's and lead him inside the colorful house. Justin looked nervously around himself when several pair of eyes turned on them.

The first to speak was Emmett. He got up from the sofa, came up to Justin and engulfed him into a fierce hug. "Well, baby, I can't believe you'd want to affiliate yourself with someone like Brian Kinney, but welcome to the family," he sing-songed the last part.

The blond smiled up at the man. "Thanks, Emmett."

Then, Lindsay and Melanie came up to him and they looked at him for a few minutes before the lawyer broke into a smile and said, "I guess considering what this man was up to in the past, we should be grateful that our kid spent a summer with you and not some random trick."

"Mel!" chastised Linz before turning around to face once again Justin. "I'm happy to know that you're the one Brian fell in love with, you're an artist, you're smart, good-looking…"

"Hey, look at your man, not mine," Brian said, sliding an arm around his partner's waist pulling him back. He then looked over the rest of the people. "It's not really necessary to come one at a time to tell him how amazing he is, ok? Let's just get it over with."

Melanie glared at the man. "You're an asshole."

Justin chuckled before stepping out of Brian's embrace. "I'm happy that you're willing to take me in your family even after I didn't tell you the truth," he said, looking at everyone. He smiled when his eyes locked with Gus and the kid waved with a smirk just like his father. "But it really wasn't my place to say anything."

"We're just sorry that he didn't tell us before," Michael cut in. "We would have liked to meet you."

"Thanks, Michael," Justin replied smiling.

"Well then, why don't we move into the kitchen? Dinner will get cold," Debbie said with a smile. She waved for everyone to get up and sit down around the table and when Justin walked by her, she took him into a bone crushing hug. "Treat him right," she whispered in his ear.

The blond artist nodded and returned the hug. "I will."

"Good." She let him go and when she looked up, Brian was standing in front of her. "You were a true asshole."

"I know," Brian said with a shrug. "I…"

"Don't apologize, I get it. You wanted him all for yourself and then you screwed everything up." She sighed heavily. "But I'm disappointed that you lied to us about your wellbeing. Never do that again." She pulled him into one of her hugs and when he pulled away she smacked him upside the head. "Go put some skin on those bones."

They all sat around the table and Debbie started putting the food in their plates. Brian looked around his family and put an arm around Justin's shoulder pulling him closer for a kiss. He could never remember feeling so loved.

_"What is new this fine morning in our beloved Pittsburgh, Tony?"  
_  
_"The sun is shining and the spring is finally here. It's time for pick-nicks and love, Mark!"_

_"So go get ready lovebirds! Thank you, Tony. Now, we'll get back to our music. This song is dedicated to all the people who are waking up next to their special one. Listen up..."_

The radio woke him up from another peaceful night. Opening his eyes, Justin looked over at Brian, his light snoring barely audible over the sound of the radio. It had been just a few months since getting back together and everything was working out perfectly.

His new job at the school turned out to be his true passion after all, the chance to see what those kids could create expressing themselves, was something that made Justin truly happy and he wasn't surprised to realized that painting for his own shows wasn't something that he was missing.

Brian had opened Kinnetik and was already the top agency in the state even though it had only been opened for a few months.

A feeble rhythm took the place of the speaker's loud voice.

_Where it began,  
I can't begin to knowin'  
but then I know it's growin' strong.  
Was in the spring then spring became the summer.  
Who'da believed you'd come along ?_

Life was good.

**The End**

* * *

**Chapter End Notes**:

Thank you so much for reading, reviewing, and patiently waiting for the updates!


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